


Be my candle

by Uzrfrndly



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Mild Language, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-06-06 22:50:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 28,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6773473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uzrfrndly/pseuds/Uzrfrndly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a child Judy goes blind from iris prolapse, dashing her big city dreams of becoming a police officer before they even began.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - "A sentence written in sorrow"

Dawn envelops the country landscape in warm orange light, as if it were tucking in the night for sleep.

Here there is no quiet morning, the birds herald each new day like nature's brass ensemble. The light of the sun shines brightest it seems just as it crests.

This rural farming town was named Pocamby, for it's founder. To those who call it home, it's their own dock on the lake called "Tri-burrows."

Rabbits call it home, but they aren't alone. Gone are the dark days of strife now, and all can lay their heads where they please. Fostered and built brick by brick, this paradise of soil and flora welcomes all.

But hidden under the surface, scars of the past bore their paranoia to the surface present. Manifested in mistrust, it undermines the calm peace and casts a doleful shadow over all beautiful mornings.

However sad, the sun's gift of gentle morning rays make their entrance as they always do and the community stirs.

Nick welcomes it, a little boy no older than nine. His life is an unwritten letter that stretches out before him. He's not written any sorrow in it, because he's yet to learn what it is.

With a yawn and a stretch he leaps forth into the day. Jubilated to meet with his friends, fellow literates still finding their voice...

"Momma, can we go to Bunnyburrow and play with Gideon?"

He was finding his voice, but he knew a few phrases. With any luck, his pursed lips and and pitiful eyes would see him to his desires.

His mother knew her voice. She'd written all of his phrases before, but his happiness was her favorite verse. So reluctantly she allowed his ruse to steer her decision.

"Alright... get your things."

With innocent joy for such small things he hurriedly gathered his belongings.

Gideon was his first friend, and a distant cousin. Even without their relation they were destined to seek each other out, because, they were the only two fox children in the county. Living a fair distance from each other meant that their play dates were a momentous occasion for Nick. 

When they arrived the car could barely contain his enthusiasm. Despite his mother's stern reprimand he happily scampered to his cousin's doorstep without her. When it opened, Gideon's mother was startled but overjoyed to see her favorite nephew.

"Calm down Nicholas, Gideon is still sleeping I think, whoops-"

With a gasp she was skirted around by the little red whirlwind, who it seemed, would not be deterred.

"Oh my... I hope he's ready to get up!"

Reminiscent of her own youth she could only sigh and shake her head in amusement. Nick's mother shortly followed.

"He's got so much energy! It's hard to get him to do as he's told when he can't pay attention long enough."

They greeted eachother with a hug and got themselves settled in the living room.

"So... anything new?"

They were enjoying some coffee, and hoping they wouldn't hear anything breaking upstairs.

"Well..." Gideon's mother put on a solemn expression. 

"Their little rabbit friend... Judy."

"Oh! You know I lover her, she's so scrappy!" 

Nick's mother giggled, unaware of what was about to come.

"She's not doing so well..."

Gideon's mother was visibly concerned. Her face said that it was much worse than she was letting on. She put down her coffee and prepared her emotional strength to deliver the full weight of her words.

"She's blind... iris prolapse."

Nick's mother had seen alot of bad days. Her fortitude was like armor underneath her gentle and loving exterior, but this news didn't come easy to accept.

"Oh poor little thing, she had such big dreams... how are Bonnie and Stewart?"

"They're as well as they can be. Judy's getting better, but the doctor said she would likely never get her sight back."

Nick's mother looked deep into her cup of coffee. Reflecting on all the misery that came from such a beautiful morning, and counting her blessings. 

From all of the sorrow she experienced in life, she drew the most important lessons. Be kind to everyone, enjoy your happy days, and should your neighbor fall down... pick them up.

"Nick! Come down here we're going to see Judy!"

The rumbling of little feet began and soon enough Nick and Gideon joined their parents in the living room. Gideon however was not so pleased at this news.

"Mom Judy's a girl, I just wanna play with Nick."

"I like Judy, she's a girl but at least she likes bugs."

Nick learned from his mother unlike Gideon. He saw her kind spirit and did his best to follow her example.

"That's my boy!"

She ruffled his hair with a laugh. She knew he looked up to her. So she wanted him to learn that true strength doesn't come from muscles.

"Are we going to tell them first?" 

"No, sometimes you need to learn from experience."

On the car ride to the Hopps family farm Gideon's mother was wraught with anxiety. She didn’t know how Gideon was going to react to Judy being blind. He wasn't as gentle as Nick and she wondered in hindsight if there was more she could have done to prevent it.

"Oh, I don't know about this..."

Nick's mother knew Gideon as well as she did, but she also knew Nick.

"Relax. Nick will take care of Judy. Right sweetheart?"

"Judy's crazy strong. She can take care of herself mom."

The Judy that Nick knew wouldn't let anything get her down. If trouble came knocking, Judy would answer. As sad as it was in the absense of his father Nick looked to Judy for courage.

Nick's mother giggled as they pulled into the farm. Judy's father Stu greeted them from the porch.

"Hey! It's the only foxes I like!"

Judy's mother Bonnie elbowed him in the ribs as a reminder not to be rude. She greeted them both with a hug.

"Oh it's so nice of you both to stop by. Judy's... a little down, but I'm sure her friends can cheer her up!"

She turned to Nick and Gideon with a wink and shooed them into the house.

"Jude's upstairs guys! Be nice!"

Stu made sure they had their bearings before resigning himself to the shed outside. 

Nick and Gideon raced each other up the stairs to see who could get to Judy first, but they were stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Judy sitting in bed with the covers over her lap.

"Judy?"

Nick felt like something was off about her. He had basic instincts that he picked up from his mother.

"Nick!?"

Judy turned her gaze in the direction of his voice. Her face lit up with joy to hear Nick's voice. With a goofy buck-toothed grin she hopped out of bed... only to run into her dresser and fall.

Judy was still Judy. She was trying to live her life the same as it had always been for the short time that she'd been on this earth.

...But without her eyes she was slowly losing hope. Big dreams of escaping the farm and venturing out into the world, becoming a police officer and making the world a better place, and perhaps starting a family one day... all gone in an instant.

Gideon was not so empathetic. He pointed and laughed as Judy tried to pull herself up. Until Nick shoved him,   
seemingly out of nowhere.

"Don't laugh at her!"

As Gideon rubbed his elbow and started to cry, Nick went to Judy and helped her up.

"F'anks Nick... I knew you weren't a jerk."

Her baby teeth gave her a slight lisp that Nick thought was funny, but his mother taught him well. He knew not to laugh at someone who was sad.

As Gideon continued to bawl Nick got his first good look at Judy. Her glassy eyes were fogged over with cataracts. Nick didn't know what was wrong, but he panicked.

"Mom! Something's wrong with Judy!"

The sound of four parents storming up the stairs made Nick feel like Judy was dying. This was his first sentence written in sorrow and it scared him.

"Judy! Are you ok? Why won't you look at me!?"

No matter how hard Judy tried to look right at Nick she couldn't tell where his eyes were. She tried to feel around his face, but she couldn't find them.

"Judy!"

Bonnie and Stu arrived in the room first, unaware of what was going on. Nick and Gideon's mothers soon followed.

"Mom Judy can't see me!"

Poor Nick was sobbing with regret, thinking only of all the times he was mean to her... that he was being punished somehow.

Stu scooped up Judy and brought her to her bed while Nick's mother sat down in front of him.

"It's ok sweetheart, Judy's gonna be ok."

She wrapped her arms around him and stroked his head to calm him down. She knew that Nick was going to be upset, but she didn't expect this.

"Dad is that Nick crying? Where is he?" 

Judy was worried to hear all of the crying. She was starting to feel worthless, that she couldn't be there for her one good friend when he needed her.

"He's ok Jude, just worried about ya' somethin' fierce."

"I'm taking Nick downstairs for a talk." 

Nick's mother picked him up and carried him back down to the living room and sat him on the couch next to her.

"Nick, Judy's ok." She wiped his tears and reassured him.

"But mom she couldn't see me!"

Nick was still bawling, he simply didn't understand.

"No she couldn't, but she's not dying. She's going to be ok so stop crying alright?"

Nick's sobs slowly weigned into the occasional sniff before his mother continued.

"Judy's gonna need you alot more now Nick. She's gonna be relying on you to look out for her because she can't do it herself anymore..."

"But why mom?"

"Well, she can't see very well. I'll tell you why when you're a little older but for now... I need you to be strong like mommy."

Nick wiped his nose on his sleeve. He'd been watching his mother for a long time and he knew what she meant. He was scared, but he wanted to be just as strong as her someday.

"...ok."

"That's my boy!"

She held him for awhile until Gideons mother came down. They decided it would be best to leave for today...


	2. The realist

And so, time gound it's terrible wheel for twenty years...

Once a vibrant, happy story written about youth took a darker turn. The chapters hadn’t been kind to Nick since that day. The vision of Nick's adult life was not the same as the concept he had drawn in his youth. 

If it was not enough that his role model of strength was stolen by iris prolapse, his sole protector, the one he admired most had fallen ill as well.

She was a goddess to Nick, his guiding light. Where once he looked for shelter, now bound to four wheels it was she who needed sheltering by her son.

Before he had given his first presentation in school he was forced to become the man of the house. Taking on low paying jobs as a farmhand on any nearby field that would pay him, he sweated away every drop of his childhood. No longer gentle, he was hard and calloused by the land. He was bitter for fate's cruel hammer brought down on his innocent head. A cynic, untrusting, and a realist.

He'd occasionally seen his aunt and cousin, but only because they came to him. He had no money or time for fun and friendship. Being blind, Judy couldn't very well come and find him. So it had been a full two decades since he'd seen her face or heard her voice.

But, such is the cruelty of a hand dealt in life. It was put out of his mind and filled only with money. Until the day he came home to find an old kindred spirit, sitting on his couch and enjoying his television.

"Woa-hoh! Wassup man!?"

"Giddy? What the hell are you doing in my house?"

It was his cousin, Gideon Grey. Sprawled out in his living room watching T.V. He hadn't seen him in almost eight years, since his aunt's last visit on his twentieth birthday.

"Are you drinking my beer!?"

"Heh heh, it's bad for ya' Nick. Thought I'd try to be a positive role model an' git' rid of em' for ya."

"...Get out."

"Aw come on buddy, come over here an' tell me all about your sad, miserable excuse for a life."

Covered in dirt and dust from a long day, Nick wasn't in a particularly good mood. However, it seemed alot of his days ended that same way. So he didn't worry about his cousin's terrible manners and sat down next to him. It would do him some good, he thought, to speak to someone at least every eight years.

"How much you in the hole for now?"

"Right around forty thousand..."

"Giddy" spat out his beer and bolted forward in his seat. He coughed up the beer that went into his windpipe and wiped off his chin.

"How!? Yer workin' every damn day! There aint' no way you could be in that deep!"

"Mom's hospice costs me almost that much a year... plus I've gotta eat and pay for this old shack on top of it."

Gideon sat back with a solemn expression. He thought to himself about how Nick used to be so much happier when they were kids. Nick worried him, but he had a plan to make it better...

"You still work on cars?"

"Yea, you got one to fix?"

"Naw, but do ya' like doin' it?"

"Doing what?"

"Workin' on cars stupid! You aint deaf listen to me when I'm talkin' to you!"

Nick didn't know were Gideon picked up his southern drawl but it was impossible to understand sometimes. They both grew up in the country but some how "Giddy" was the only on to come out with an accent.

"I don't know why?"

"There's this trade school slash "community college" out near Podunck. They got deisel an' auto classes. You could actually make a decent living."

"What part of forty g's in the hole is hard for you to understand Giddy?"

"Naw naw man... government offers loans for free. You aint' even gotta pay em' back till you get a job."

Nick leaned back and thought about it for a moment. He was already in alot of debt, but he wasn't getting by where he was as it is. The realist in Nick told him to sleep on it, and get his lazy cousin out of his house.

"Well, thanks for the tip Giddy. You finish that beer? Then let me show you to the door."

"Aw boo hoo crybaby... you wanna sit alone in yer' dusty little shack an' brood all day be my guest!"

Annoyed with his pessimist cousin, Gideon stood up and stomped towards his exit. When he got to the door he stopped with his hand on the nob, and turned back towards Nick with a grin.

"Well maybe this'll rouse yer' interest... last I heard Judy was goin' there."

In fact, that did arouse his interest. He had thought about her from time to time. In his mind he couldn't imagine why she would want to see him after he essentially abandoned her when they were kids.

"What? Why? I mean... she's still blind right?"

"You don't just get UN-blind stupid, and how the hell should I know? Just don't sulk yourself to death."

With that he left, slamming the screen door in a huff. Nick was left with his thoughts about an old friend, in even worse circumstances than he was. His deepest regret in life so far was not finding her and telling her how sorry he was, that for when she needed him the most he wasn't there...

He already had a feeling his guilt would steer the book that was his life in s new direction. Uncertain whether or not it would be pleasant, he turned in for the night.

After several more hard days, Nick finally had the time to check out the trade school Gideon had told him about. The drive wasn't as bad as he'd thought, and the campus was small enough that it probably didn't cost too much money to attend.

At the back of his mind he thought about Judy, he wondered what she looked like now, or if he would run into her.

He found his way to the small admissions office easily. He took a number, sat down, and waited. And while he did he became aware that he had been thinking of nothing but Judy since he'd arrived. He felt ashamed for a moment, knowing that the real reason he was here was for his mother.

Soon enough he was called up to the desk where a little black sheep had been putting his information into her computer. Nick got a bad feeling about her expression, she didn't look bored with her day or happy to see him again.

"Um, Mr. Wilde I'm really sorry but... your application for financial aid was denied."

"Denied!? It's free! What kind of scam are you running around here?"

"Well, it's not free sir... it's a loan and based on your credit--"

"There's a credit check for financial aid!? Why didn't you tell me that when I was filling it out?"

Before he could continue his fit he felt a small warm hand on his shoulder. When he turned around it was Bonnie Hopps in a green pantsuit, and a pearl jewelry lapel. He was shocked to say the least. He pondered in confusion why she might be here right when he was shamlessly yelling at a little sheep receptionist.

"Dorothy, could you check and see if he has the option of consighnment?"

"Yes! Of course madam treasurer!"

She was the treasurer of this branch of the university. She'd taken the job based on her history as an accountant for a bank firm in Zootopia when she was in her twenties.

"He does have a consighnment option, but it looks like none of his relatives have any income..."

"That's alright dear, I'm sighning it..."

"What!?"

Nick and the receptionist had said it in unison, neither expecting it, and both as shocked to hear it.

Nick just watched in shock as Bonnie Hopps walked right up to the form and calmly sighned on the line.

"Miss Hopps! Madam treasurer, you can't just co-sighn a loan for a student you've never met! This could effect your credit!"

"...And who said we haven't met?"

She turned to Nick with a gentle smile.

"Welcome to PCU Nick... oh it's so good to see you!"

As if she couldn't contain her excitement anymore she threw her arms around him in a hug.

Nick kept his arms up and away, still in disbelief of what just happened.

"Judy's gonna be so happy to see you!"


	3. You're in my seat

Nick has only one source of pride. His independance was the one thing that he could truly say he was proud of.

When Bonnie Hopps sighned his application for financial aid, she had unintentionally stolen that one thing he'd been holding on to since he was a boy.

He could never turn down what was for her, an act of selfless charity. He was not as gentle as he once was but he had a conscience. It told him to say "thank you" and swallow that pride, because it had no real worth in the first place.

Once Bonnie Hopps had finisher her hug Nick sat down to finish the application process. In about twenty minutes he was officially working towards higher education. His brief sorrow over the loss of his independance was replaced with a little bit of hope that he was going to turn his life around.

He held onto that feeling for four months until he began his first semester in the fall. Tending the fields was seasonal work, so it was an ideal situation for him. 

However, he could not well afford to live in the dormitories. So for the sake of his finances he decided he would find a reclusive spot in the wooded area next to the campus to sleep. On his first day he scouted his place hidden enough from prying eyes and set up his tent...

He didn't have a backpack, or folders. All he could afford was a spiral notebook and two pens. As he made his way to his first class he counted those two pens several times to make sure they were all there. Suffice it to say, his nerves had gotten the better of him. This was after all, his only chance to make his mother's and his own life worth living.

His very first class was math, a prerequisite for his degree in automotive technology. He chose a spot in the back and sat down. He opened his notebook and uncapped his blue pen. He preffered black but he also preffered not to be in math class in his late twenties, so he did it metaphorically.

He was also early, so to pass the time he started to draw on the back cover of his notebook. Without even realizing it was happening he fell asleep...

He felt something on his head. Then he heard a voice he didn't recognize...

"You're in my seat."

He thought it was all a dream.

"Are you sleeping?"

With a loud snort he violently jerked into perfect posture, his eyes wide open and looked around.

When he saw who it was who woke him up it was like an epiphany. First he didn't know who it was, then his mind started piecing it together. Grey bunny, black tips, ... cataracts.

"You got pretty... didn't you?"

Being blind, she couldn't see that he was looking at her. So she just assumed he was talking in his sleep.

"...Can I have my seat back please, sir?"

"Oh! Uh-"

"How do you know it's yours "snooty?" It's not like you could read your name on it."

The majority of the bunnies in the class room erupted into laughter. There was a group of them all in the front left corner of the classroom. It hadn't come from Nick, he was getting ready to give her the seat back. When he realized that she was just humiliated in front of her peers, and he'd played a part in it, he felt a familiar burning feeling in the pit of his stomache.

"Who said that!? Was it you "floppy?" Come over here I'll show you what's funny!"

In a fit of rage he stood aggressively, and set his sights on the pack of bunnies who had gone silent.

But before he could Judy had placed her hands firmly on his shoulders.

"Thank you, but I just need my seat back..."

He calmed down quickly. Without saying anything he stepped out of the way and helped her into her seat. To him it was just the next logical step, help the lady into her seat...

But to Judy, it was unexpected.

"Oh! ... thanks."

This minor detail didn't go unnoticed by Nick.

"For helping you sit down? Why? Noone helps you out?"

"Not really, I'm fine."

He hadn't asked Gideon or Bonnie how long she had been in school, but for him to imagine that all of these students saw a blind girl and did nothing to help her made him angry again.

He didn't get the opportunity to act however, as the teacher entered the classroom and began handing out the syllabus. Throughout the class he shot menacing glares at the squad of bunnies to satiate his rage...

As class drew to an end Nick decided he'd better give those bunnies an ear full, but before he could he heard Judy speak again.

"Hey..."

She was looking in his general direction. He saw noone else she could be speaking to so he replied.

"Yea?"

"Thank you... again. I appreciate you sticking up for me."

"..."

"You're a fox aren't you?"

Suddenly Nick was very nervous. He'd been sitting next to her this whole time and never once told her who he was.

"Yea... lucky guess?"

She shook her head no.

"I felt your ears when I almost sat in your lap." 

They both chuckled for a moment. It felt nice to talk to her again, when they were young he preffered her over Gideon. Her optimism reminded him of his mother.

"What's your name?"

As soon as the word "name" left her mouth Nick felt like he'd just grabbed a live wire. His whole body tensed and he felt a cold flash rocket through his body. He wasn't ready to face his guilt, so he panicked...

"Nathan."

It was the first name he could grab out of his head.

"I'm Judy..."

She reached around in his direction, seemingly looking for a handshake. Nick took her hand and shook it. The guilt and shame he was feeling for lying to a friend he hadn't seen in twenty years was overwhelming.

He did the one thing he hated about himself. When he was scared Nick did one of two things: give up, or run away...

"Well Judy, it's been a pleasure meeting you, I'll see you tomorrow."

It's true that fear gives men wings, because Nick was gone before Judy could say "wait," and she did...

As he hastily, and feverishly walked the hall to his next location he cursed and kicked the lockers as he passed them. He reached into his pocket wanting to count his pens in order to relax. When he found that they weren't there... he'd forgotten to grab all of his school supplies. Few though they might be, his frugal conscience wouldn't allow him to leave them behind.

Luck showed Nick just how much it hated him. As he was entering the class, Judy was just about to leave. It felt like fate had him strung up in it's own puppet show, just watching him squirm.

Her ears went up and her nose twitched.

"Nathan?"

Great...

"Yep."

"Did you forget your stuff?"

Her face said she was glad to see him again. He briefly considered the possibilty that she was in the audience of fate's puppet show, clapping and thoroughly enjoying herself...

"Yea..."

He gathered his meager supplies...

"So... what's your next class?"

"Emissions standards."

"Oh, you want to be a mechanic?"

"Well, more like have to... you know bills and whatnot."

"Are you struggling with money?"

For a moment he got annoyed, but his logical brain stepped in. He started to wonder if there was a reason she was trying so hard to keep talking to him.

"Are you ok?"

He hadn't responded to her question, and instead came out with one of his own.

"What... do you mean?"

She looked like someone had kicked her pet, or more appropriately, like she was the pet. It was completely obvious that something was wrong.

"It seems like your trying to avoid something."

"Not really..."

He already knew what she was hiding from.

"If you're being pushed around you have to stand up to them, you gotta' fight back."

She didn't look shocked to hear it. A look came over her. It wasn't fear, it was more like exhausted. Like a stone worn down by years out in the elements.

"It's hard to fight something you can't see..."

He knew it had been one screw up after another for him today. With that sentence he wanted it all to stop. No more lies, no more running away, or bringing old friends down.

"Look, if you need help come to me first."

He was embarrassed, but he meant it. You could see it put the wind back in Judy's sails, and she smiled.

"Thanks Nathan."

"..."

Just when he'd started feeling good about doing something nice for her he remembered that she didn't even know who he actually was.

"I'm gonna' be late."

He grabbed his things and made for the door.

"See you tomorrow Nathan."

He stopped with his hand on the knob. His mind racing with options. Should he tell her it's him? It will come back to bite him if he doesn't... but his fear won in the end.

"See you tomorrow... Judy."

The rest of his day went by without event. He didn't see Judy after that, not even in the halls.

After all his classes were over he hid behind a shed close to his camping spot and waited for all the busses to take everyone home.

When it was safe he snuck into the little patch of trees and unzipped his tent. Climbing in, he refleced on all the day's lies and mistakes. It had been a rough day.

It was also an important day...

For the first time in two decades he'd seen an old friend. He wished she'd heard him when he told her she was pretty. It would probably have made her feel a little better at the very least, and he meant it.


	4. I miss him

Several weeks have passed...

The two have begun rebuilding their decrepit relationship piece by broken piece, nursing old wounds from decades ago. It all began with a talk, unintentionally set into motion by being in the right place at the right time.

It was a Sunday, and there were no classes for Nick. He'd been camping out in the freezing cold with no way to pass the time.

So, he'd been taking up residence in the entrance hall lounge to pass the time. Going over his notes obsessively. He would not be taking this chance at a better life lightly and he also wished to escape the bitter cold of his flimsy little tent, if he was being honest... which he rarely was these days.

So it was on this Sunday that he was feverishly studying his notes in the lounge when he heard a vaguely familiar rattling coming from the hall.

That rattling was the sound of Judy's guide stick leading her way out of the building, but first she would cross paths with Nick, and a big development in their relationship would take place completely by chance...

When he turned a page in his notebook her ears went up and her nose twitched.

"Nathan? What are you still doing here?"

"..."

"Are you finished for today?"

"How do you do that?"

"...Do what?"

"I didn't say anything how'd you know it was me?"

She took it as flattery, which made her a little embarassed.

"I sort of... memorized what you smell like..."

"..."

His face said disgusted, but intrigued.

"...That's sort of gross."

"No it isn't!"

She stomped her foot and pouted as hard as she could, letting him know she was offended.

He ignored her temper tantrum and instead dove back into his notes, turning another page.

Judy felt around with her guide stick until she found the nearst chair. Once she found the arm rests she had no trouble sitting down.

Several minutes went by in complete silence, save for the turn of a page in Nick's notebook. Until Judy spoke again.

"Are we friends?"

It was an awkward question. She wanted it to be true, but she was filled with self doubt. She had a tendancy to assume the worste in every situation.

Nick understood why. Being blind could rob you of your confidence, and he didn't need to experience it to know it to be true.

"I thought that was a given?"

"...It is?"

"You're not supposed to ask if someone is your friend now, it just happens..."

Judy's face said that she felt like an idiot. She should've known that, she'd had friends before.

Nick was very good at reading mamals. He knew exactly what she was thinking. Though, he would argue that anyone could as it wasn't hard to tell.

"Don't be hard on yourself, it's not your fault. You can't read the mood as well if you can't see someone's face..."

That seemed to cheer her up a little...

Nick had been thinking about this situation with Judy since they'd been reunited almost a month ago.

She still needed someone to look out for her. She could get around, but she couldn't really defend herself from bullies and she was kind of awkward most of the time.

If she needed someone, then it was time for Nick to make amends for abondoning her all those years ago...

"Why don't you just stick with me from now on? I can keep you safe..."

She was stunned.

"No, you can't do that!"

Annoying little bunny...

"Why the hell not?"

"Cuz' I'm an adult... I can take care of myself!"

Why you ungrateful little...

"I never said you weren't."

"I could never ask you to do that. I'm tired of being a burden..."

"You don't HAVE to ask I'm offering, and I never said you were a burden either."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to be so nice to me!?"

She was starting to get upset. Nick could come off as callous without realizing it.

"Do you just feel sorry for me!? I don't need your pity Nathan!"

Nick was very calm and calculating. He could have a short fuse when the situation called for it, but he wasn't irrational. He knew what she was getting at and she was right. It did seem like he was pitying her...

"I promise that I'm not pitying you."

She calmed down a little.

"You're my friend and I'm worried about you..."

She felt awful to hear that. She'd jumped to the conclusion that just because she was blind he was pitying her.

"...I'm sorry."

She hung her head in regret.

"...Don't be."

"..."

It got quiet again.

Almost twenty minutes went by without a word.

Nick glanced at her...

Reminiscing about the past, he thought about the color her eyes used to be. They were a deep violet, full of pasion and courage. If he hadn't known her before she went blind he never would have guessed her true eyes were actually stunning.

She was pretty too...

He honestly never assumed Judy would grow up to be pretty. She was such a tomboy back then. He'd imagined that even if she hadn't gone blind she would grow up to be some dirt covered hillbilly in overalls... like Gideon.

"I haven't had a friend in a long time..."

Nick's ears pricked up at that statement. Assuming she might mention his name...

"When I was a kid, before I... went blind. I had two friends. Both of them were foxes... like you. Maybe that's why you're so easy to talk to."

She had a slight smile. She was remembering better times.

"I know I can be awkward... and weak, but thats not who I really am."

She started to tear up...

"She really is Judy" he thought to himself. She had every right to be pitied, to be weak, and to give up but she didn't. She was in there somewhere, trying to be courageous and strong despite being blind.

She was so hard on herself. Nick hated to see this, he wanted to make it stop.

He remembered something his mother told him when he was a boy...

"Whenever a girl is sad tell her she looks pretty. It could brighten her whole day."

He'd considered that, but to her he was still "Nathan," someone she'd only just met. She might think he was hitting on her, or that he had bad intentions all along...

"Can I ask you something?"

She perked up a little and wiped her nose.

"Sure."

He thought for a second about his situation. She thinks his name is "Nathan," and not her old friend Nick. He's going to have to tell her someday soon who he really is, and "Nathan" won't really matter anymore...

He could hit on her if he wanted to, and why the hell not? It's "Nathan" not Nick... and who cares about "Nathan?"

"Has anyone ever told you you're pretty?"

"Nathan!?"

She immediately flushed a deep red and buried her face in her hands, but Nick could see her nervously smiling.

Mom was right it seems... works like a charm.

"Well you are... so don't be so hard on yourself. You're worth protecting even if you don't think so."

He heard a muffled "ok" from behind her face barrier.

It was five in the evening and the last few classes of the day were getting out. It was time to go for the night.

He stood up to leave...

"...Nick always knew how to make me feel better too..."

Under the low roar of noise from the diverging crowd around them he heard one more sentence that split his heart in two...

"I miss him..."


	5. Painting a picture

If he had only the courage to tell her the truth...

A crippling blow delivered to his conscience, he disappeared with the receeding crowd.

Judy was left waiting for him to help her up, confident that he would. He was a gentleman after all.

"..."

"...Nathan?"

Her ears swiveled around independant of eachother, her nose gave no guidance to his location.

She stood up slowly and racked her brain for answers. Why would he just leave without so much as a goodbye after what he'd just said?

She didn't need to read his face to know that they had a good mood going... so why?

The gasp of breath she drew was synonymous with her sudden onset of fear.

In her own mind, she felt that she must have insulted him... it was the only explanation that made sense. If she hadn't, then he would have at least said goodbye before leaving.

He had to be angry with her for making him feel like second best. He offered her friendship, and she in turn insulted him with stories of her "old" friends.

She could see how it would be easy for him to assume she was comparing him to them, and that they were better than he was.

With as much haste as she could measure into her guide stick she chased him outside...

"Nathan!"

It was loud with the bustling of departing students, discussing the days events and loading onto big busses.

"Nathan where are you!?"

He'd only just made her his friend. If she didn't find him now and set things right she was affaid she might lose him forever.

There was too much commotion. With the bus exhaust drowning out his smell, and the pounding of laughter and feet of the crowd she couldn't pin point him.

She feverishly searched until all of the students were gone and everything was calm again...

She collapsed in defeat. Knowing that he had to have been on one of those busses taking everyone home, she hung her head in remorse.

After a few moments, she tried to pick herself up only to fall back down from a faint russling coming from the wooded area just outside campus.

To say it would be coming from him would be a long shot, but she was willing to take it.

As quickly as she could without falling, she traversed the rougher terrain in search of the source of the noise.

Falling and catching on thick blackberries she fought her way towards it. Getting closer, her arms and knees stung with bleeding cuts until she emerged to Nick's voice.

"You're a dumb bunny... come over here I have a first aid kit."

He grabbed her around the waist and carried her to his tent. Setting her down on the sleeping bag he turned to a single duffle bag filled with everything he'd brought with him.

"Nathan listen-"

"I know."

He found his first aid kit and started rummaging around inside.

"I didn't mean to-"

"I know."

"No you don't!"

"You thought you made me feel unimportant by bringing up your other fox friends?"

She was surprised he was able to figure it out so easily.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"..."

He knew what she meant, and that she was aware that he knew.

He scoffed at her pouting face when he finally turned around. He laughed it off and started disinfecting her cuts.

"I do what you do... but less gross."

"You jerk!"

She flailed around in an attempt at retribution.

Her aim is surprisingly... terrible.

"Would you knock it off? You're gonna spill my paroxide."

She crossed her arms and put all of her aggression into what, to Nick, appeared to be a super pout.

With a disaproving shake of his head he went back to work on her cuts.

It must have taken at least fifteen minutes to put on all those bandaids. When he finished he sat down next to her with an exasperated sigh. Then it was calm and quiet for a moment.

Judy's super pout finally wore off.

"Are you sure you're not upset?"

"Completely."

"Then why did you just leave me sitting there?"

"..."

He leaned back on his palms and sighed. He needed to tell her the truth someday, but it didn't feel like the right time. So he came up with an alternative excuse.

"Mmm, not sure."

He glanced over at her. She was looking in his direction.

"Maybe I got jealous?"

He thoroughly enjoyed watching her squirm for a moment, knowing that she was gullible enough to believe him.

On Judy's end what he'd just said was very real. They'd just met a little over a month ago, and if he wanted her romantically he would have to make his feelings known.

She based this assumption on something she'd heard from her sisters called "the friend zone." How it was explained to her was that if a "guy" likes you he'll let you know right away, because he doesn't want to end up in this "friend zone."

As you can imagine her logic was a little flawed, but she went with it anyways.

"O-oh... does that mean you...?"

"Hmmm, who knows?"

Nick was still being entertained by his coy act and thought nothing of it, but Judy's heart skipped a beat.

She was excited. For the first time in her life she was "flirting" with a man, and he was flirting back!

She wasn't bothered that he was a fox. If he wasn't bothered that she was blind, and a bunny why should she be?

"Nathan can I, uh... feel you?"

"Whoa! I said MAYBE I was jealous, slow your roll bunny!"

"I meant your face jerk!"

"... I don't follow."

"It's... how i look at someone. It would help me see what you look like."

"..."

It made sense. She couldn't see with her eyes but she could feel around a bit and paint a mental picture.

He didn't like this turn of events, but he couldn't argue with her logic.

"Mmm... alright make it quick."

"Ok... don't be wierd about it!"

"Fine! Go already!"

She moved her hand until she was touching his chest. It made him tense up a litte.

He held his breath as she slowly found her way to his face, and ran her hands through his cheeks.

It hadn't dawned on him before he said yes, but this was the first time a woman had touched him like this...

His heart was already racing and he could feel himself getting red.

"Alright you got the cheeks move on!"

"Relax you crybaby!"

This was no less stressful for her, she was shaking a little. She'd never gotten close enough to someone since she went blind to ask for something like this.

Then she felt his ears and traced the slope of his snout and chin.

Her hands were soft and warm. He didn't expect something that was supposed to be a simple favor to end up being so intense for him.

...And then she got to his neck.

Nick squirmed and let out a strained moan. It felt good, a kind of feeling he'd never felt before. It had caught him with his defenses lowered.

Immediately they were both beet red. Frozen in that spot waiting for it to stop being awkward, but it never did.

"Are you... what I think you're..."

"No!"

Her broken sentence let Nick know that she'd definitely heard that.

"Are you done!?"

"Oh... yes!"

They both pulled away. Even though the moment had passed it was no less awkward. Several minutes went by in silence while they brought their heart rates back down.

Nick was the first to gather up his senses.

"Well I think we bonded enough tonight. I'm not bothered by your friends and all that so... we're cool! You should probably get going."

"Wait a minute..."

Something had just dawned on Judy...

"Nathan... are you living in a tent?"


	6. Serious damage

"Well it SOUNDS like you're insinuating that I'm homeless!"

Shortly following Judy's discovery of Nick's living arrangements a fight ensued...

"That's not what I'm saying Nathan!"

"Then what are you saying!?"

In the heat of an arguement, we rarely take the time to ask why. Why are we really angry? Most of us would be shocked to hear the real reason why we argue so much.

"Well I-... why don't you-..."

Judy is trying to offer Nick a place to stay, but where it is will definately be a problem for him. So she fumbles with her words. Unable to find the best way to explain it.

"So it's your turn to pity me now, is that it!?"

"No Nathan of course not!"

"..."

"I'm just... worried about you."

"..."

"Look just... walk me home?"

Nick wasn't as angry as he was letting on. Truth be told he just wanted to avoid the question, and yelling was the only way he could think of to do it.

Without another word he gathered up her things, and began escorting her home.

As they walked it was silent. Not only was there a fight, but the events preceeding it were just as stressful if not more so.

Their new relationship was not built on a solid foundation. Even despite Nick's lying about who he was, both of them were carying alot of baggage from the past.

From a general mistrust of the world, to a permiating fear of weakness they were both untrusting in nature.

Ironically, the thing that threatened their relationship was also the very thing that kept them together... the past.

"Are we near the disabled dorms?"

She asked in earnest, unsure of how they were going to make up. She'd been trying to figure it out the entire trip, but she came up empty.

"We're already there..."

Nick had a feeling she was staying in the disabled dorms. It was partially paid for by the government, and it had services and facilities to help make getting around easier. He was surprised, however, to see that it was a co-ed facility.

"Co-ed huh? Sure you haven't found any guys you like in there?"

She was holding onto his arm, so she had no dificulty landing a solid elbow to the ribs.

"Guh!"

"That's what you get... now can you walk me to the door?"

The anger was retracted from the second half of that statement, as she followed up her assault with a request for a favor.

"You... pain in my ass."

He picked himself up and brushed himself off, and paused to stick his tongue out at her.

"Are you blowing a raspberry at me!?"

"What!? How the hell could possibly know that?"

"I can smell your breath!"

"Fine! Then I can do a real one!"

He took a deep breath and sprayed her with the hardest raspberry he could muster.

She shielded her face and prepared for vengeance, but before she could Nick had skirted around behind her and picked her up.

She thrashed around and eventually landed a kick to his head.

"Alright stop already!"

He wasn't angry, in fact he was enjoying it. They used to rough house alot as kids, and just like then he would never win.

He laughed as she tried to charge him and fell on her face. It was short lived as she kicked him in the shin from were she landed.

"Ow! Damnit!"

He hopped around to the sound of Judy's laughter, and just like that it seemed things were back to normal.

They laughed it off and he helped her up. After a few moments they were at the door, ready to part ways.

"So... are you going to pick me up tomorrow?"

She grinned in his direction.

"So... changed your mind about sticking with me already?"

He only paused to mock her.

"Well, you could always just sleep over... it is co-ed after all."

"God I knew you were a creep!"

He laughed as she tried to launch her third assault on him. This one was unsuccessful.

"You gotta pay to stay here fluff, I'm pretty sure they don't allow overnight visitors."

"Did you just call me "fluff"!?"

"It seemed appropriate."

Her face didn't say angry or offended, it said that she was deep in thought

"...Nick used to call me that."

"If you miss him so much why don't you marry 'im?"

His voice said he was mocking her, but his face told a different story...

Judy couldn't see his face, so she laughed at his joke.

"Well don't tell anybody, but I thought about it."

She giggled at her return fire jab, but Nick wasn't laughing...

"Ok, if I ever introduce you to Nick don't tell him I said that!"

She was still giddy with laughter for the audacity of what she'd just told him.

Nick was emotionally torn. She was talking about him, but she didn't know it was him...

"I mean... he'd have to fight me for you... right?" He laughed nervously.

She scoffed, completely unaware of the look on his face or what was going on in his head.

"Pffff, AS IF! You wish you had a shot with me!"

She was teasing him, assuming they were still making jabs at eachother.

Nick opened his mouth to start another fight, but before he could he felt an unexpected tear roll off his cheek...

It caught him completely off gaurd. Emotionally confused and overwhelmed, he panicked...

"FINE! Screw you then!"

He growled it at her, and without a goodbye he took off at full sprint.

"Aw come back you jerk I was just kidding!"

She was still unaware that he was through with joking. As she heard his steps get farther away her laugh slowly faded.

Judy was well aware that her blindness made it hard for her to keep up with certain situations, but she didn't know that this was one of them, at least not yet.

They had just been laughing and rough housing, so she just assumed it was a mean joke.

"Goodbye jerk!"

She playfully yelled it out into the courtyard, blissfully unaware that she'd just done serious damage to their relationship.

As Nick ran and fought with his emotions, Judy returned to her room and laid down with a smile. Looking forward to all of the laughs she would share with "Nathan" tomorrow...


	7. Out of the bag

Nick never showed up to get Judy that morning...

He sat there at his desk before his first class, brinking on katatonic. He'd spent all night wrestling with his thoughts trying to figure out what it meant.

Part of him said he was ridiculous for being jelous of himself, and the other said that as far as she knew he was a different fox.

Even a third part of him asked why he should be bothered in the first place?

It denied any feelings beyond "big brother" like protector...

It was the latermost of these that had deprived him of rest. That was the question he was really struggling with. He spent the night disecting it, looking at all the possibilities.

He'd come to the conclusion that, despite what he'd felt that night, he was not "interested" in her romantically.

He wasn't attracted to bunnies, and Judy was a friend. One that he'd horribly abandoned and lied to... but a friend none the less.

The thought had floated into his head that he was too busy for love anyways, and that served only to spiral him back into his pit of emotional turmoil.

"Too busy? Sounds like an excuse, you really did catch feelings didn't you?"

And so on for hours he went around in circles in his head, justifying and condemning his thoughts and actions till the sun came up.

He was lost in these same thoughts, as Judy entered the room...

He noticed her there and averted his gaze, unprepared for another arguement. He was so rattled by stress that he forgot that she couldn't see where he was looking anyways.

Her face didn't give away much as to how she felt about him not picking her up that morning, but he noticed she was carrying a laptop he'd never seen before.

She stoicly sat down at the desk next to his and opened it up...

He couldn't stop himself from investigating. The keys had braille next to each letter.

"Neat." He thought, and opened up his notebook.

At least ten minutes of class went by and Judy didn't so much as glance at him. He considered the possibilty that she was giving him the cold shoulder until he felt his cellphone vibrate in his pocket...

He looked at her, but she didn't look back.

He stealthily took it out under the desk and opened his texts... it WAS from Judy.

"I'm so sorry."

That's all it said.

He almost asked her how she texted him from her laptop, but since she did it there was no point in really asking. She did it somehow, he guessed that the how wasn't really what was important.

He put his phone back in his pocket and went back to his notebook. It wasn't long before it buzzed again...

What he read wasn't as subtle this time.

"If I had to choose between you and Nick, I would choose you."

He read it over and over again. Unable to process exactly how it made him feel, he forced himself to close it. He was beginning to feel guilty again. If she knew it was him none of this would be an issue, but how was he going to tell her now? After they'd had fights over him being jelous of... himself?

Out of nowhere it dawned on him...

"Wait, How'd you get my number you stalker!?"

"Mr. Wilde! Please do not interupt class, whatever it is it can wait!"

One of those moments where time stands still... where every second feels like an eternity.

The crushing realization of what Nick had just done hit him like a runaway semi. Too afraid to look over at Judy, he felt his face itch with the forming of sweat...

He heard a small hickup from her direction and snapped back to reality instantly...

She looked so frail. Her face was dug with torment and horror, more tears than he'd ever seen. She was shaking like a scared child and knocked her laptop off the desk with a loud crash. She tried to reach for it but stopped and looked up at him...

"...Judy?"

His voice broke with tension, as his own guilt suffocated him.

Then Judy bolted...

Crashing into almost every student in her way knocking over desks and students as she ran on all fours.

"Mrs. Hopps!?" The teacher was alarmed... but Nick was desperate...

"JUDY WAIT!"

He barreled after her, not running into students, but violently shoving them out of his way.

They were in the hall when Judy ran head first into a locker and wimpered, but picked herself back up quickly.

Nick slowly closed the gap and tackled her at full speed.

"Judy listen to me!"

She fought, and kicked, and screamed. Nick took sharp elbow to the snout and lost his grip on her.

He tried to get up quick, but the blow had temporarily blinded him. He struggled to get back to his feet as he heard her scurrying steps get fainter...

He was finally up and sprinted around a corner, the hall was empty. He ran to the exit doors leading out and looked for her in the courtyard... then he heard another wimper from behind him.

It was coming from a closet a few feet away. She was in there...

He slumped against the door, exhausted, he knew she had to be too. He litened to her choking and wimpering, racking his brain for what to say.

She would never forgive him. He'd done nothing but harm to her since the very first day. Nothing but lies, nothing but mean jokes and taking his frustrations out on her. He didn't know what to do.

He took several deep breaths and prepared to say the only thing he could think of...

"Hi..."

In between gasping for breath, he started over...

"I'm Nick..."


	8. Pass the salt

He sat against that closet for what could've been hours if anyone was counting...

Each gasping sob felt like a new nail driven into his conscience, until he could listen no longer.

"Judy, I'm... sorry."

Even as he said it, it felt like a lie.

"I'm not... proud of what I did."

Every sentence was layered thick with self doubt. He couldn't believe it, he had the nerve to say this to her?

"But I didn't do it to hurt you... I'm ashamed of myself."

The crying was growing weaker as he lashed out for pity from her. He was pitiful beyond a doubt, but he deserved nothing from her.

"When you needed me the most I abandoned you... and then lied to hide from my guilt..."

It was eerily quiet now. He didn't want to see what she looked like on the other side of that door, but he summoned his courage and begged her for forgiveness.

"Can we... start over?"

"..."

"..."

"I hate you..."

It felt like being kicked in the chest. Rendered defenseless, she delivered the final blow.

"Why don't you just disapear again!?"

He'd recieved a taste of his own callous medicine and it wasn't easy to swallow, but it was exactly what he deserved...

"...Alright."

His mind went into shock. It shut down all of his emotions in self preservation. Calmly he stood up and walked away.

He turned around one more time before he was gone.

"I hope... we can be friends again someday..."

Judy spent a few more hours in that closet before she emerged. Then she went directly back to her room and cried herself to sleep.

...

It was a bitter pill to swallow, returning his enrollment form for the following semester.

"Are you sure about this Mr. Wilde? If you don't reenroll by the following semester you'll lose your loan and have to pay it back... the treasurer sighned it herself."

"...Fine."

The little black sheep receptionist had an air of "she knew this would happen" on her face as she reminded him about his loan.

He was dropping out of school and running away with his tail between his legs. Back to his dusty shack to rot in his miserable life again.

The drive back to Pocamby was spent in complete silence, devoid of thoughts and accompanied only by the slow grinding of old wheels.

He sat in his car for a long time when he finally pulled into his driveway. Filled with fear and regret for surrendering to his hopeless old life.

With enough strength to drag him to his feet he slowly made his way to the porch and stopped at the door.

The bitter cold of dusk was the only thing to drive him indoors, where he discovered his house littered with garbage and beer bottles, a perfect metaphor for what the rest of his life was bound to look like. On the couch was a familiar face...

"Hey man! Whoa, you look terrible..."

Gideon Grey, just what he needed... more salt in his wounds.

"Hey aint you supposed to be in school?"

"Get the fuck out Gideon..."

"Damn man! The hell's yer problem?"

"I'm not in the mood for your crap, get out."

"Aw c'mon partner, get over here an' tell ol' Giddy all about it."

He didn't move, just glared at his slovenly cousin in hopes that he would get the message and leave him alone.

Gideon eventually sighed, and groaned as he lifted his hefty self off the couch. He casually picked Nick up by the collar of his shirt and set him on the couch next to him.

"So... how's Judy?"

"You bastard..."

"Hehe, figured that was it. Yer so damn pathetic sometimes."

"..."

"Well... what happened?"

He really had nothing to lose at this point.

"I lied to her and told her I was someone else so I could avoid all my problems..."

"Yah' did what!?"

Gideon rarely looked truly angry, but this was one of those times.

"How the hell could you do that to her you jackass!?"

"Don't try to act like some kind of saint Gideon, you treated her like garbage when we were kids!"

"Yea but I owned up to my mistakes you sniveling little coward! I had the balls to make it right!"

"Oh yea Giddy, you're a real proud man aren't you!?"

Their argument was escalating quickly, and there was noone else around to stop them if if became physical.

"Look here cousin, if you dont march your ass back to that school an' make this right..."

"You'll what!?"

Gideon paused for a moment, and narrowed his eyes.

"I'll taker her from yah'."

"You're gonna "take her" from me Giddy? What does that mean?"

Gideon stood up tall and adjusted his waistline, and never stopped glaring Nick down.

"Oh, you're gonna run off and make her your little girlfriend is that it? Be my guest, that's what your best at."

His glare faultered, he was taken off gaurd by Nick's low blow.

"Yea, you can be that wierd fox who has a fetish for his dinner."

The look on his face painted a mixture of pity, disgust, and disbelief.

"What the hell happened to you Nick?"

"No you're right. Food, girlfriend, it's all the same nowadays right? And hey why dont you come back in another six years and tell me all about it?"

"That poor girl cares about you yah jerk, an' so do I."

"Right, totally! That's why I'm here asshole, and you're here to kick me when I'm down right!? "

It was much worse than Gideon thought. He was no longer angry with Nick.

Looking deep in thought he casually headed for the door, but stopped and turned back to Nick with his hand on the knob just as he'd done several months ago.

"I'm worried about you alright? Don't do nothin' crazy..."

He left Nick standing there shaking with rage. He was lost and confused, he'd been through too much in twenty-four hours... he felt like doing something crazy.

He needed a drink, unfortunately all his beer was gone...

The "Podun'Roundem'up" was the only bar within forty miles, and it was exactly where he was headed.

He powerwalked the two miles from his house yelling, kicking dirt, and punching powerline poles trying to vent all of his anger.

Going to the round up was crazy, it was a "bunny bar," meaning it was predominantly host to bunny patrons. On weekends they also had "adult entertainment" which was also mostly bunnies. He didn't know what day it was, but knowing his luck it was most likely the weekend...

He wasn't exactly going to "fit in" at a bunny bar, and if he made a scene it would end very badly. His logical brain was fighting him the whole way, telling him to turn around and go home.

But Nick was in a reckless-abandon kind of mood, and he was committed to causing some trouble tonight...


	9. "Sophie Hopps"

There were no brass trumpets to harold this morning. It was roused with pain and nausiause confusion. A spinning blur of uncertainty and dread. The suns gentle rays were not as gentle, or welcome as they were in his youth.

By the time he woke up he was on a strange bed, in an unfamiliar room. His head was pouding like a hammer on an anvil.

"Oh god... no no no..."

He looked around in a stupor, until he spotted a half naked bunny by the dresser. She noticed he was awake.

"Morning sunshine!"

She was in her underwear and a t-shirt. A terrible sight when you wake up with a hangover, especially if you don't even know who it is you're looking at.

She looked to be an inch or two taller than Judy, and she wasn't grey. She was a light baige. She had the same white points they all do, and excentuated almond shaped eyes that were violet like Judy's once were. However, unlike Judy, at least that he could remember, this bunny's eyes burned with fierce confidence...

"So, I should let you know since you're my boyfriend now, that I don't cook. So sorry, no breakfast for you Mr. Wilde..."

He sat up and rubbed his temples, then looked around some more. Carrot themed everything plagued his vision.

He gagged and leaned over the side of the bed.

"Sorry... it's not you."

"Oh I know. Here's a trash can in case you hurl."

"..."

He took the trashcan and tried to kickstart his pounding brain as he pepared to do some damage control.

"Look Mrs..."

"Sophie."

"Mrs. Sophie... I'm not your boyfriend, and this never happened."

"What's wrong sweetheart, you don't like me?"

"First of all I don't know you, second my head is killing me, and third you took advantage of me..."

She giggled.

"I know, I was probably supposed to be born a lioness."

She made a playful roar and cat claws at him.

Nick was not enjoying this exchange. She was rude, and aggressive, and unatractive...

"Look, I'm not going out with you!"

"Oh yes you are Mr. Fox, guess what my last name is?"

"Oh god, please... I don't ask you for much..."

"It's Hopps, and if you don't want me to tell Judy on you you'll straighten up and fly right."

He had a feeling she might say that. She had those same violet eyes. He had been praying that it was a coincidence, but you know how fate feels about Nick...

"No... someone drugged me. I'll roll with it for a few hours and you'll disapear... that's all."

"Whatever you say big guy... so where are you taking me for lunch?"

"Nowhere."

"Jeez, what's your problem, Judy broke up with you didn't she?"

"We didn't... "break up," we were never dating... and how do you know about that?"

"Then what's the problem?"

Apparently she had selctive hearing.

"It's... complicated."

"Oh really, how so?"

"Look all you need to know is I've done enough damage to that girl. This needs to stop right now."

"You weren't saying that last night. I think you were like "ey Judy! I'mma bang yer sister ya jerk har har har!"

She mocked him with a deep manly voice and an exagerated laugh. Suffice it to say but Nick was not amused.

"I'm not dating you or taking you anywhere!"

"You'd better... I'm pregnant."

"Are you serious!?"

"No you idiot you met me last night... god you're dumb!"

Who the hell is this bunny? There's no way she's related to Judy they're nothing alike. Judy is softspoken and shy...

"Is Judy like this too!?"

"Like what?"

"Insane!?"

"I'm mellow compared to Judy, she's gonna murder you... don't hide in the dark, you won't have an advantage."

"That's terrible!"

She busted up laughing, what a dark sense of humor. Nick couldn't hold out for long till he started laughing too.

She was a far cry from the bunny he was used to. He sort of felt like as far as women go she was more his type.

"How do you know my name?"

"I'm smart."

"..."

"Oh, and from Judy."

"You talk to Judy about me?"

"...Yep."

"What does she say about me?"

"That you're funny and smart, but I don't see it."

For whatever reason Nick's anger was gone...

Supposing that what's done is done, he'd started to relax. He'd been overwhelmed with stress over the last few days, hell even the last few months! With Judy there was always this constant fear looming over his head. For some reason Judy's eccentric sister didn't stress him out.

"Hey..."

She turned around from changing to aknowledge him.

"You wanna go get something to eat?"

"You could get paid by the government for being that dumb."

Nick had resigned himself to the fact that it was going to be a very wierd day, no matter how hard he faught it. Maybe it was because he didn't feel any pressure to be nice to her, or maybe because she was blackmailing him. Either way, he decided to just humor her and at least buy her lunch.

After he finished watching her get dressed she thew some cloths at him.

"Um... these don't belong to a bunny."

She seemed to just be nonchelantly fiddling with her hair, or maybe she didn't hear him.

"These are fox cloths, and they aren't mine... are you listening?"

"Yea I heard you... what's your point?"

"Where did you get them?"

"From a fox obviously."

"You wanna, i don't know... elaborate on that?"

"Ok... I like to have fun. How's that?"

In any normal situation his reaction, and that of any normal guy, would be to run for the hills at this point. She just threw a huge red flag at him. Essentially she was saying she slept with alot of foxes... right?

"So I wasn't your first?"

"No you were... if that's what you wanna think."

She winked at him.

This situation had "bad idea" written all over it, and he was fully aware of that. Even still, why wasn't his logical brain chiming in telling him to get out?

...

During their lunch, she displayed every manner of un-lady-like conduct he'd ever heard of and then some. She just didn't seem to care...

It would be hard to say she was a "free spirit" when the first thing that came to mind was "train wreck."

Horrible manners and an even worse attitude aside, he felt like he could relax for the first time in twenty years. He couldn't possibly make a worse impression than her, and he hadn't thought about Judy aside from wondering if the rest of her family was psychotic.

It felt so good, an overwhelming feeling of relief...

"So, are you serious about me?"

"Whacha' mean?"

She was playing a puzzle game on her phone as they walked, only half paying attention.

"I mean about wanting me to be your boyfriend and all that."

"Awww Nickyyy! Do you have a crush on me?"

She was a master of ridicule without a doubt. She knew exactly what buttons to push.

"Only mom calls me "Nicky," and even she wasn't bitchy enough to do it in public..."

"Well I'm bitchy enough."

She sounded very satisfied with herself as she went back to her game.

"Listen fluff, Judy's my friend and you're her sister. This isn't gonna happen."

He motioned back and forth between them.

"Besides, if you have a thing for foxes you can do WAY better than me..."

He spread his arms out at his waist, as if displaying himself as damaged goods.

"I aint exactly fresh produce either fox. Like it or not you're MY man now..."

He couldn't believe this. He'd come home to get away from Judy and ended up in the claws of her psycho sister?

No, she had a sense of humor. It had to be some sick game to her. Fine bunny... I'll play along.

"Then give me your phone number."

"Oooo pushy, I like it!"

She teased him and bumped him with her hip.

"It's already in your phone."

"...Excuse me?"

"Yea I put it in there last night under "Mom." That way if you ran, I could still call you and you'd pick up."

That's insane...

"Even if I had picked up I would just hang up on you, and it would never work again!"

"I would probly just tell you that I got knocked up, and you gotta come help me raise our illegitimate child."

She said it so casually...

"You already tried that!"

"Yea... and it worked because you're stupid."

"Alright, I don't care if you're Judy's sister. I just plain don't like you!"

"This is me."

She cut him off as they arrived back at her appartment, and finally put her phone away.

"Well, see you tomorrow Nicky!"

She bounded up the steps and through the front door, leaving him quivering with anger on the sidewalk.

As he stormed away he tried to make a mental list of all the things he hated about his life...


	10. Don't forget Judy

It's been close to a month since Nick came home to Pocamby.

He'd been working odd jobs here and there as he always did, and the majority of his spare time was, not always willingly, spent with Judy's high maintenance sister.

It had been going on three months since he'd gone to visit his mother in hospice, and when he finally got a free minute to himself it was the first place he went.

Nick's mother still fussed over him whenever he came to visit. She tried to make sure he was comfortable, and offered him anything she had to give.

"I have a left over pudding if you want it."

"No ma' I'm ok."

"Well, there's a chair over here sweetheart."

She was bound to a wheelchair, but still she tried to pull the little armchair over to him.

"So... Bonnie tells me you're in school Nicky, I'm so proud of you!"

"...Thanks ma'."

He was dreading this visit, not for seeing his mother, but for her terribly quick wit.

"So, how's it going?"

"Well..."

He faultered. Nick lied plenty, but he would try to omit the truth as opposed to lying when it came to his mother.

"You dropped out, what happened?"

"..."

That didn't last long.

"It's got something to do with Judy?"

"... How do you do it?"

"Well, you should've known that if Bonnie told me you were going to school that she would mention Judy's there too."

"Sharp as a knife..."

"So... what happened hunny?"

"Well... you know how guilty I was for not being there for her when we were kids."

She watched him with quiet concern, waiting for him to tell her the rest of the story.

"So I... lied to her. I told her I was someone else. I guess because I just wasn't ready to face her yet."

She knew he was telling the truth, and she could understand why he did it. It was partially her fault.

"Well, you know you're going to have to do it someday."

"I know."

She leaned forward in her wheelchair and placed a hand on his knee.

"You have to tell her you're sorry, and she'll have to forgive you eventually."

"..."

Nick knew that, but he didn't have a strong will. He wondered if he would ever be able to face her again.

"I'm curious Nicky... I'd thought that maybe things were going well with Judy. You look happier than I've ever seen since you were a little boy."

"..."

Oh no, not this. He was confident that she wasn't going to like this.

"Well I'm kind of... seeing someone... kind of."

"I don't like the sound of that Nicky... who?"

"Judy's... sister."

"Nicky, shame on you!"

She sounded genuinely dissapointed in him. Nick hated worrying his mom, she has to deal with enough as it is.

"Which one... Abby, Jessi, ...?"

"No... Sophie."

"Nicholas Piberius Wilde!"

That's not good, a full name. He didn't know for sure why it mattered which of Judy's sisters it was. He could only assume she already knew that she was a little on the wild side... no pun intended.

"Ma' I know she's a little... strange, but for the first time in decades I feel like I can relax... she makes me... happy, I guess."

She wasn't pleased with this turn of events, but her scowl soffened when she heard how he really felt. If he was happy, then she was happy, no matter what.

"Well, I can't say that I approve of your choices Nicky... but, if she makes you happy then I'm happy for you."

Nick wasn't expecting that. He'd assumed that by this point she would be fighting tooth and nail to get him to stop seeing her...

"... It's not really even that serious ma'. It's not like we're technically... official."

She saw the look on his face when he said that. She knew that for whatever reason he sincerely wanted this for himself.

"Then you have to go and make it official!"

He looked up in amazement. She was willing to take on more stress just to see him happy?

"You think so?"

"Absolutely sweetheart, if you've found someone you really want then go get her. I don't care if she's a bunny... you can always adopt!"

"Ok I will!"

He stood up with confidence and a big goofy grin. His mother couldn't help but laugh. She hadn't seen him like this in a long time.

He was on his way out the door when his mother gave him one last piece of advice...

"Nicky," he turned around to face her. "Just... be careful, and don't forget about Judy."

He gave her a comforting smile and a nod, then dashed off to find her...

...

She would frequently come to his old shack unannounced. It wasn't a gauruntee, but he thought about changing first anyways.

He was skipping with child-like excitement as he got to his porch, but it was quickly replaced with familiar stress and anger when he discovered Gideon there waiting for him.

"You wanna tell me what the HELL you been doin' with Judy's sister!?"

"Hey Giddy... won't you come in?"

Somehow Gideon had found out about Nick's strange relationship with Judy's sister.

"After I SPECIFICALLY told you not to do nothin' stupid."

"I think you said "crazy" actually..."

"Cut the crap Nicholas!"

"Way to go Giddy, you remembered my real name... I think I have a smiley face sticker around here somewhere."

He was already getting annoyed with his cousin. He was in such a good mood until Gideon showed up.

"How selfish are you Nick... HER SISTER!?"

This was more serious than Nick had thought...

"She has a name Gideon..."

"Oh yea, I know her name alright. Aint nobody in town who don't know it!"

"... I don't like your tone... Giddy."

Rage was starting to bubble up in the pit of his stomache. As always, this arguement was escalating quickly.

"Oh yea?... Well I don't give a SHIT what you don't like... you dumb, selfish little prick!"

He was slowely advancing on Nick from across the room.

"Listen here dipshit... I don't know what you THINK you know about her, but you don't know nothin' about that girl. She's bad news..."

"No YOU listen here... Giddy!"

Nick met him in the middle of the room and stood toe to toe with him, meeting his glare.

"If you say one more word about her we're gonna have it out..."

Gideon glared down at Nick. He was at least half a head taller, and twice as broad.

"You dumb son of a bitch... how'd'you think Judy's gonna feel when she finds out?"

Nick's glare faultered, he hadn't been thinking about it lately. Even if they were friends there was still something wrong about dating your friend's sisters...

"She's a big girl, she can handle it... and it's none of her concern!"

Nick didn't foresee what happened next. Gideon picked him up by the collor of his shirt and ran him into the nearest wall...

"YOU IDIOT!"

Nick struggled to wrestle away Gideons arms in vain, he was much stronger than Nick.

"No she ISN'T, she's lost an' scared. She doesn't know what ta' do!"

Nick struggled to get out his words with Gideon's fists pressing against his windpipe...

"How the hell do you know Giddy, you been talking to her?"

"I talked to er' alright... you wanna know what she said!?"

He didn't want to know, he couldn't know. He'd finally gotten to a place of freedom. He didn't want Judy dragging him back again...

"That she's miserable... she can't sleep... or eat... all because of you. She blames herself for all of YOUR problems. That it's her fault that YOU ran away like a spineless little coward!"

It was a familiar feeling. Crushing regret swallowed Nick up once again, and he went limp.

Gideon slowely set him down on the floor, confident based on the misery etched on Nick's face that he'd gotten his message across.

He turned towards the door, but kept his eyes set on Nick.

"I'm glad that Sophie somehow made ya happy for awhile Nick, but I'll tell you again... she aint who you think she is. An' she's gonna break you down if you choose to stay with 'er."

With that Gideon was gone... and Nick was alone again.


	11. What it must have felt like

Nick was too weak to get up...

He was doing it again, just like always Judy needed him and he wasn't there. He was here, fooling around with her sister. Dispicable...

Almost an hour went by on the floor. He went over every mistake he'd ever made in his life and tried to figure out where he went wrong at every turn, how he could have done it differently.

The longer he sat there, his misery slowely receeded and was gradually replaced by resentment.

Why does he have to take care of everybody?

Why does his life have to be so miserable for the sake of everyone else? When is it Nick's turn to be happy?

When is it someone else's turn to take care of Nick?

Over and over in his head it churned like a storm of anger making landfall. Hurt by, and resentful of everyone in his life... he even momentarily blamed his mother...

At what couldn't have been a worse moment his phone vibrated... it was a call from an unknown number...

"..."

He answered it, but didn't say anything...

"...Nick?"

"..."

It was Judy...

"What do you want?"

He was being short with her, and what little confidence she'd scrapped up was slowly fading.

"I um... I just wanted to hear your voice."

"..."

"School's going good... how-... how are you?"

This couldn't have been an easy call for Judy to make. She was terrified, and she was noticably shaky when she spoke.

Nick was not in his best state of mind. The timing of her heartfelt phone call was a cruel twist of fate.

"I've been a whole lot better..."

"...Oh... what's wrong?"

He heard a beep on the line and pulled the phone away to look. He was getting another call.

"Hold on... I'm getting another call."

"Ok... I'll wait."

"..."

"Nicky what're you doin'?"

"Sophie?"

"Yea can I come over? I'm bored."

"It's not a good time."

"Don't be such a baby, I'll see you in a minute."

"Wait-"

The call ended abruptly, he was back on with Judy.

"Nick?"

"..."

"Uh... hey how's your mom doing? Have you gone to see her?"

"Yea she's fine."

"Could you tell her I said hi next time you see her?"

"Yea whatever, look I gotta go."

"Oh... um ok..."

She was noticably discouraged. It sounded like she was struggling to say something difficult.

"I uh... I mean..."

"..."

"... I miss you."

If only she had tried to reach out to him before Gideon had rattled his cage, they might've been able to reconcile, and get things back to the way they were... but sometimes fate can be cruel.

Nick was going to regret this moment for a very long time...

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?"

"..."

"YOU TOLD ME TO DISSAPPEAR!"

"Nick... please!"

"NO, NO MORE. LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He slammed his phone against the floor and curled himself into a ball.

He'd made up his mind, but not at a good time to be making decisions... He wanted to be with Judy's sister, and as soon as she got there he was going to tell her that.

...

He sat there on the couch waiting for her to show up. More than an hour went by, he started to think that maybe she changed her mind.

Then she came busting through the door, apparently she'd been drinking...

"Heeey Nicky baby... how are ya'!?"

"..."

"Hmmmm?"

"Can we talk when you're like this?"

"Suuuure!"

She hobbled over and flopped down over his lap. She was giggling with drunken glee, but Nick wasn't in the mood for this...

"Come on!"

He struggled to lift her off of his lap and into a decent position next to him.

"Listen, I really need you to get it together."

"Booooo..."

Nick waited a few minutes without saying anything in an attempt to calm her down. She reached for the remote and turned on then T.V.

Nick heaved an annoyed sigh, and decided he would wait a bit for her to sober up.

For a little over an hour she nuzzled into his armpit and dozed off. Nick took the oportunity to prepare what he was going to say in his head.

'Sophie I think we should... no.'

'We haven't made this official yet, how about now?... no.'

For an entire hour he racked his brain, trying to come up with the perfect way to tell her how he felt... but he came up empty.

She began to stir, and groaned as she lifted herself up.

"Ooooh god... Nicky do you have any coffee?"

"It's ten at night..."

She groaned again and flopped back into his lap, but Nick was ready to say what he needed to say...

"Come on, get up. I wanna ask you something."

"... What?"

She was obviously hung over, and not in the mood for a difficult conversation, but Nick wouldn't wait. He needed to say this now...

"I really like you and I think we should be together. Can we make this thing official?"

He just belted it out, if he hesitated he might never have had the willpower to say it. She looked up at him with an uncommonly serious expression.

"Look Nicky..."

She sat up slowly, looked him in the eyes, and prepared to deliver a merciless blow...

"You're... sweet... and everything... but..."

She scratched her head and groaned, as if she was annoyed.

"God... this is hard..."

He wasn't prepared for this.

"I only really "date" foxes to piss my mom off... I mean you had'to've known it was mostly a joke... right?"

"..."

"Look if it makes you feel any better I do kinda like you... I guess you could say that of all the foxes I've pretended to date you were my favorite."

In essence... the part of Nick's brain that handled his emotions blew a fuse. He snapped internally, instead of externally and retreated into his head...

"Just leave..."

It was the only thing he could manage to say...

"God, you suck!"

She grabbed her coat and took off in a huff, slamming the screen door as she disappeared into the street.

They were both right. His mother and Gideon warned him... they told him to be careful, and that she was going to break him down but he didn't listen.

Just when he needed her the most she was gone...

He wondered if maybe, this is how Judy felt when he left her...

With no warning he completely broke down. Not thinking about the neighbors, or his good reputation, he wept louder than he thought he even could. The arm he was supporting himself with gave out and he fell on his side. He curled up and squeezed his phone until he cracked the screen...

Who knows how long he stayed like that...

...

He didn't know what to do.

There was nothing left for him to look forward to here. He could scrape by in his miserable old life, but it would be hard.

He'd burned his bridges with Judy, but ultimately his mother couldn't pay her own medical expenses, and he could try to avoid her.

There were two weeks until spring break was over. His loan for school was valid for two more weeks...


	12. Together at last

He kept the curtains shut for two weeks...

Crying, wallowing, pitiful Nick. It was nothing new. Constantly floating around with his non-stop brooding was his self awareness of how pitiful it was for an almost thirty year old man to be wallowing in a blacked out shack.

It was thanks to his self pity that he never came to his decision about what he should do next.

Today was the last day he could turn in his reenrollment form without losing his loan, and even if he left now he wouldn't make it to the admissions office before it closed.

Curled up on his couch in his dark appartment he accepted he was a failure, and always would be.

Until there came a knock from his front door...

"Fuck off Gideon!"

He didn't even open his eyes. By now Gideon must have spoken to Judy again to keep tabs on what HE was doing, and came by to see "how things were going with Sophie." Then maybe kick him around some more...

But it wasn't Gideon at the door.

"I'm coming in Nick, I hope you're decent!"

It was Bonnie Hopps, the last mamal he ever expected to show up knocking on his door... except maybe Judy.

"Hold on!"

He grabbed a nearby blanket and pulled it over him, as he happened to be wallowing in the same pair of boxers for the last two weeks.

"H-hi... Mrs. Hopps."

He scratched his head nervously. His only assumption as to why she was here was to break his legs for ruining her credit.

She placed her hands on her hips sternly and leaned over to look him in the eyes from a his level.

"You stink Nicholas... how long have you been on this couch hmmm?"

"Uh... what day is it?"

"Friday."

"About... two weeks?"

"Oh... chrimeny!"

She held her nose and wafted his smell away from her, and he hung his head in shame. After a few more moments of exagerated acting she turned back to him with a concerned look.

"...You ok hun?"

"Honestly?... I've had better days Mrs. Hopps."

"Yea I can see that... just call me Bonnie ok?"

"... Bonnie."

He parroted her name back to her and she gave him a motherly smile.

"Let me make you some coffee... ok?"

"No you don't have to-"

"Oh hush."

She made her way to the kitchen after quickly silencing Nick's polite objections, and a few minutes later she came out with two cups of fresh coffee.

Nick nodded his head with a "thank you" and took a sip.

Bonnie wasted no time getting to the reason for her visit...

"So... you wanna tell me why you decided to sleep with one of my daughters?"

In classic comedy fashion Nick spat out his coffee and started choking, but Bonnie didn't seem to be angry. She was heartily laughing at his performance.

"Oh sweetheart relax... I'm her mother, I know Sophie way better than you do."

Nick wiped his mouth and gawked at her in disbelief. She wasn't angry? Then why was she here... the loan?

"I want to... apologize for Sophie. She can be a handful, and really heartless sometimes. She told me about you and... how upset you were when you found out that she was just "pretending" and... I just wanted to see how you were doing."

She had a genuinely apologetic look on her face. She was sincerely sorry for what Sophie had done to him.

"You really cared about her didn't you?"

Nick's stunned expression slowly turned downwards with the weight of how true that statement was. He actually did, as stupid as it might seem.

"Whether you believe it or not you're still such a gentle and caring boy. Your mother raised you well Nick."

"Thanks."

She was like his own mother. She was able to lift his spirits out of the gutter with her gente kindness, and Nick was grateful for her visit.

"Well!" She leaned back in the chair and took a drink of her coffee. "I still have ONE daughter who would love to have you around..."

"... I don't think so Mrs. Hop-... I mean Bonnie."

He said it sullenly, he knew she was talking about Judy. She must not have heard from her in awhile, there was no way she wanted to see him now.

"Really?" She set down her coffee with a sly smile. "She told me she would give ANYTHING to see you the other day..."

"You spoke to Judy?...recently?"

She had his attention...

"Yep, just a few days ago."

"..."

She still... wanted to see him... after everything he's done to her?

"Well..." As happy as he was to hear it, it made no difference. "It's too late now..."

Bonnie leaned back and folded her arms in her lap, she wore a solemn expression.

"You didn't turn in your enrollment form?"

Nick couldn't bring himself to say it, so he just averted his eyes in shame and defeat.

Bonnie on the other hand, smiled...

"Then it's a good thing I already did it for you."

"What!?"

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, he wasn't convinced this wasn't his own mother he was speaking to.

"You heard me... or did you think I was gonna stand by and let you ruin my credit?"

She had a smug grin on her face, it seems she was proud of her quick wit.

"Are all mothers this smart?"

"You bet."

She gave him a wink and stood up to leave. Then collected her purse and headed for the door. Before she left she turned back to Nick for one more request, and some motherly advice.

"You might've thought that Sophie was closer to your type, but you would be wrong Nick... You're gentle and caring, just like Judy... SHE'S your type..."

He watched her with that same face of disbelief.

"Oh, and don't you hurt my Judy or I really WILL break your legs... and take a shower... Bye!"

With that she finally left, leaving Nick with too much information for him to process.

As for what he was going to do, well it wasn't much of a decision anymore...

...

Familiar noisy halls now smelled of wet paint. It seemed they'd done some renovations to the campus over the break.

This time Nick had two notebooks, four pens, and a cheap briefcase to carry it all in. He was taking school seriously now, and for the first time in his life he was motivated.

He was committed to turning his miserable life into something worth living, and as he walked the hall he studied some flash cards he'd made from his old notes. He needed to remember everything he'd forgotten over the break.

He was absorbed into a particularly tricky math problem when he heard a faint, and shaky voice wimper out his name...

"...N...Nick?"

He turned around slowly, and like a slow motion scene from a sappy movie there she was... Judy.

Instinctively his legs took a step back preparing to run, but Nick had something this time around that he didn't have back then... strength.

"... I smell you... please tell me you're there..."

She was trembling, and tears were already rolling off her cheeks.

Nick sighed with a smile, and reached his hand out and touched hers. She latched onto it and threw her other arm out trying to feel around for the rest of him. He took that hand too and guided it to his chest.

Her face lit up, and a nervous smile started forcing it's way out.

"I missed you too... dumb bunny."


	13. Extra chapter - "Solitude covets reflection"

It took her seven days to regret what she'd said, but he made her feel like such a fool.

At first Judy held onto her anger, justifying her decision to tell him off.

How could he do that to her?

Letting her believe he was someone else and listening to her talk about him as if he wasn't there.

Who could do something like that?

All of the embarassing things she did, all the things she told him in confidence, and all the while he was doing what... laughing at her?

He deserved to be told off, she hoped he felt as terrible as she did.

But again, it only took her one short week to faulter. To start considering that maybe she was wrong. She had no way of knowing exactly why he did it.

Then out of nowhere, she got an unexpected call...

"Hello this is Judy."

"Hey hey hey there Jud-ayyyy!"

"... Giddy?"

"Yep it's ol' Gidster how you been darlin'?"

"Oh my god Giddy it's been forever since I've heard from you!"

"Yea, sorry bout' that kiddo I been mighty busy for awhile."

"Oh no don't worry about it I totally get it." She was so happy to hear from him that she didn't want to spoil the mood.

"So hey uh... look I learnt' some things that didn't make me too happy... about Nick..."

"..."

"You alright... you know since he... done what he done to ya'?"

Then just like that she remembered why her spring break had been so miserable, Nick. She wanted more than anything to apologize to him. "Yes... at least I think so."

"Listen Nick's... well he's a dumbass."

"..."

"I know it's hard for ya' to think so but... he really didn't wanna hurt ya'. Even if he won't admit it."

"I know Giddy..."

"So ya' "think" yer alright? You don't sound alright..."

"Yea... I guess I'm still trying to figure it out."

"Figure what out?"

"Why I'm so mad."

The line was quiet as neither Gideon or Judy could figure out what to say next. Gideon was being eaten up by his guilt, and wanted more than anything to cheer her up. He was just plain tired of seeing her so down. "...Hey I got an idea!"

"What?"

"How bout' I come out there an' see ya'?"

"You wanna come for a visit?"

"Yea why not?" She could hear the creaking of a chair in the backround, and the turning of some pages. "How bout' a couple weeks from now... how's next friday sound?"

"Yea I mean it's spring break so any day is fine I guess."

"Alright, don't stress yerself out, he'll come around eventually he always does."

"Alright Giddy, I'll see you soon... I miss you!"

"I miss you too sweet pea, see you in a bit."

She ended the call and set the phone down on the desk, her heart filled to bursting with much needed relief.

...

Two weeks later...

Gideon's phone call had filled her with hope. For what had remained of the month she cheerfully imagined Nick coming back, or calling her to say he was sorry.

She played it out in her head...

Nick would come sulking up to her filled to the brim with apologies, and she would say something like "I don't know Nick did you learn your lesson?" Before "begrudgingly" accepting his apology, and everything would go back to the way it was.

Before she closed her laptop for the night, she got another call. Assuming it must be Gideon calling to remind her of his visit she excitedly answered without being polite.

"You think I'm stupid or somethin' Giddy!?"

Waiting for Gideon to start laughing, her stomache knotted when she heard it wasn't him on the line.

"Hi sweetheart..."

"Oh god mom I'm so sorry!"

Her mother Bonnie wasn't bothered, she giggled with amusement.

"So you heard from Giddy huh? How's he doing?"

"Oh he sounded alright but I haven't seen him yet. He's visiting me today!"

"That's exciting, I wonder how much weight he put on since I last saw him."

"Mom that's terrible!"

Her mother gave a very hearty chuckle, she could have a dark sense of humor occasionally... seems familiar. Perhaps she was just preparing herself for the negative turn this conversation was about to take...

"So have you talked to Nick at all sweetheart?"

"... No."

The mood shift was immediately apparent, her mother was trying to ease into the topic but it seemed any mention of Nick was going to turn out this way regardless.

"Well... at least your sister seems to be happy, you wouldn't even recognize her!"

She was about to learn that she may have just made a horrible mistake...

"Who... what...what do my sisters have to do with Nick...?"

"..."

Even the most loving, protecting, and quick witted mothers in the world make mistakes. She wasn't aware that Judy didn't know.

"Oh um... the thing is hunny... Nick's-"

She couldn't hide this from her daughter. She knew that this was going to hurt her, even if she didn't yet understand why.

"Sophie is actually dating him... currently."

It was the first chapter in the book of Judy's life that she'd written about heartbreak, and the worst part was, she didn't know why...

"...Do you need me to come down Judy?"

Her mother knew why it was silent on the line, but she also knew there was nothing she could do. Her daughter needed to know what was going on even if it killed her, because she was going to find out eventually...

She couldn't hide all of the pain, as she spoke her next words they were stretched thin by her rapidly deteriorating hope...

"I... I need to go..."

"I'm here if you need me sweetheart... I love you."

No more than a moment after the call ended, she was engulfed in sorrow.

Things weren't going back to normal, Nick wasn't coming back, and she was going to be alone, and she didn't know for how long... maybe forever.

Her phone rang again, and she tried to blindly slap the reject button... but she missed.

"Ey Jude-ayy, I'm almost there... maybe twenty minutes or so. You ready for all this Giddy?"

It didn't take him more than a second to notice, even over speaker phone that Judy wasn't alright.

"Are you cryin'!? Nick... what'd he do Judy? I swear ta' god I'm gon' beat the ever lovin' shit outa him!"

"...Is it my fault Giddy?"

Her words were choked with tears, and almost impossible to make out...

"What!? What're you talkin' about!?"

"Is it my fault... his life is so bad... is that why he hates me?"

The line was silent.

"I...I... I think I love him Giddy... and I don't know what to do..."

"..."

"THAT SON OF A BITCH!" She heard banging, and screeching tires. "I'ma fix this Judy... so help me god!"

The call ended...

She slumped forward over the desk and cried until no more tears would come. It started getting late as she was consumed by her grief. She drove him away, and he found someone else. It was too late to tell him she was sorry, or ask him to stay... but maybe she could still tell him how she felt. It had been at least an hours since she last spoke with Gideon.

Without thinking about the consequences, at the worste possible moment, she picked her phone back up. She said "Call Nick" and hit send...

* * *

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note from the writer: This chapter was requested by a reader who wanted to know what Judy was doing while Nick had gone home to Pocamby. There was a little confusion as far as the time line goes, and that would be because I still have a LONG way to go as a writer, but I'm working on it. I'll give you a brief explanation...
> 
> This chapter starts a week after Nick runs away. So at this point Nick had already admitted to Gideon that he lied to Judy. Gideon waits a week before calling to check on Judy, mainly because he doesn't know how to comfort her. He offers to come visit in two weeks, and this is were the second half of this chapter takes place. Judy's mother calls on the same day Gideon had offered to visit, and at this point neither Judy or Gideon know about Nick "seeing" Sophie. Her mother knows because (as you now know) Sophie was pretty much playing Nick just to get back at her, so of course she would tell her mother what's been going on in order to make her mad. However, Bonnie assumes (foolishly) that Sophie had already told Judy about it because they used to be so close. (I'll post a character bible for Sophie eventually that will explain this a little better.) When Gideon calls to let Judy know he's on his way, he never actually finds out why Judy's crying. He would eventually find out about Nick and Sophie from calling Bonnie on his way back to Pocamby to beat some sense into Nick. ("I'ma fix this Judy") So Gideon basically turned around and went straight to Nick's house where the confrontation at the end of chapter 11 takes place. When he asks "how do you think Judy will feel when she finds out?" It's a loaded question because he already knows how she would feel. After Gideon confronts Nick he spends "almost an hour" on the floor, and in this chapter "It had been at least an hour since she last spoke to Gideon" (roughly compensating for Gid's drive time back) so the timelines sync up were Judy calls Nick at the most inopportune moment, when he's resenting everyone for his terrible misfortune.
> 
> *deep winded breath* That was probably more complicated than it needed to be, but hopefully it all makes sense and you're all up to speed on the story. Thank you for reading, it means a lot to me.


	14. Poison

Chapter 13 - "Poison"

The moment that she knew it was him she threw herself into his arms. She held nothing back and poured buckets of tears into his chest.

For a second Nick wanted to push her away, they were still in the middle of the hall and at any moment someone could see their brazen display of affection.

But Nick was tired of lying, to the point were he didn't even want to lie to himself anymore. He has missed her... more than he would ever say out loud.

The fact that he'd done nothing but harm to her and she was still willing to throw her arms around him at the mere smell of him broke his heart. With a few tears of his own welling up he cradled her head and placed what he hoped would be an unnoticed kiss on the top of her head.

However, Nick was still as unlucky as he ever was and she DID notice. He expected a kick in the shin as her response, but what he got instead was dangerously unexpected.

She looked up at him with an expression of longing, then she closed her eyes and waited for him to kiss her properly...

This was not in Nick's plan, and in his head he was not about to kiss her for real.

He went to pull away, but that look on her face was poison. It made him do something he didn't want to... As he was doing it his logical brain was screaming at him to stop... but his body didn't listen. As if it were possessed...

He kissed her.

It was like a bolt of lightning travelled the length of his spine in a split second and left static disipating through the rest of his body. They both took deep breaths in at the same time, just from how overwhelmingly electrifying this moment was.

It was the single most passionate... and impulsive moment of his entire life, he had no control. He instinctively pressed harder, and his brain went lucid as he worried he might be hurting her... but to his surprise the second he let that pressure off she pulled him right back in.

They couldn't possibly have any concept of time like this, but it must have been longer than they thought, because...

"Will you two cut it out and get in here... if you haven't noticed classes have started already?"

Mrs. Keen and most of their math class were packed around the entrance of the classroom... watching them.

While Mrs. Keen was trying to be stern and authoritative, her voice and her expression said that she was tickled and trying really hard not to laugh.

The rest of the class didn't have as much tact. They started cheering, giggling, and cat calling them.

As you can probably imagine, Judy went deep red in humiliation...

But something not so adorable was happening with Nick. He was back in reality now, and it came down on his head like a sledge hammer. He could hear his logical brain loud and clear now, and it wasn't as happy as Judy about what he'd just done.

"Come on Nick, just ignore them."

She reached out to take his hand, but Nick pulled it away quick.

"How could you do something like that!?" He was angry, but his higher reasoning was sending him mixed messages.

'No no no, don't do that stupid," but it was too late to take it back.

"Me!?" For Judy, this couldn't be happening. She'd just had the happiest moment of her life... why is he doing this again?

"Are you saying... you didn't want to kiss me!?"

"Of course not!"

Judy was devastated.

"Well... well... who the hell would want to kiss YOU anyways!?" She was starting to well up with tears, and she was trembling.

"..."

Nick was much stronger now than he was before he'd left, and for the first time in his life he made the right decision...

"I'm sorry alright!?" The conviction behind his words slowly trailed off, until he was speaking in a much gentler tone. "I didn't mean that... ok?"

He swallowed his pride...

"I just... don't know what I want..."

Nick actually showing her he could be vulnerable went a very long way. She was visibly improving and she stopped trembling, but she wasn't out of the woods yet. She had a very important point to make.

"Why does it always have to be such a rollercoaster with us Nick... you kiss me one second... and now you don't know what you want?"

They were finally having a conversation like adults. If they could keep it together they had a good chance of fixing it this time, and coming out the other side unharmed.

Nick took a deep breath and calmed his nerves. It gave him clarity, where normally he would have stormed off like a child by now...

If he could wake up hungover to her half naked sister and say "what's done is done," then he had no right to be angry with her for an impulsive kiss.

Thinking back to that morning he laughed, and Judy, not knowing what he was thinking, understandably didn't look too happy about that.

But, Nick was thinking clearly under pressure for the very first time. He smiled because he was actually proud of himself again.

"That's because I'm as dumb as they come, you should've known what you were sighning up for..."

It came as a surprise to Judy, and after a moment to process what he'd said she covered her mouth and started giggling.

Nick had just successfully avoided a crisis for the very first time, and he couldn't lie... it felt pretty good...

"Are you two coming to class or not?"

Mrs. Keen had been silently watching them the entire time, along with a few of their classmates.

"Are you serious Mrs. Keen?" Nick said it layered with comic sarcasm. "We're trying to have a heartwarming moment over here... numbers aren't going anywhere, been around for millions of years."

Judy snorted when she realized he'd said "millions of years" when he probably meant "thousands." He really was stupid.

Mrs. Keen didn't seem too bothered by his little jab. She wasn't really fighting off the smile on her face either.

"I'm letting it slide this time because I'm proud of you Wilde... but wrap it up I have other things to do today."

He gave her a little two fingered salute and turned back to Judy.

"We're gonna have to talk about this some other time... but for now, I just want to stay friends ok?"

Judy was already walking passed him as he spoke, and he turned to watch her with confusion.

"You really are dumb if you think I'm gonna let that happen..."

"Hey, fluff... I'm serious..." He scowled and followed her, amazed at how brazenly bossy she'd become in the last five minutes.

"Mhmmm, sure you are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writer's dedication: I dedicate this chapter to warwolf47. I hope you and your fiance are always happy together. Thanks for all of the encouragment.
> 
> A fun fact: Recognize the name Mrs. Keen? If not then the professor didn't add an extra special ingredient to your concoction.


	15. A permanent sleepover

"I won't stand for it Nick."

It's been almost a week since the new semester started. Things have gone back to normal... relatively speaking.

She wore a scornful frown, her hands placed firmly on her hips.

Nick lazily gazed up at her from his spot on the sleeping bag, the flap to his tent zipped open with Judy on the outside.

"I don't remember you being so loud and bossy..." He had given up on fighting with her, but his sarcastic quips were hardwired into his personality.

Bossy huh? I'll show him bossy.

"Oh I'm sorry Nick... that was back before you NAILED MY SISTER!"

Nick lost his balance even though he was sitting down.

"I uh... didn't think you knew about that." He stretched out his collar. He was sweating bullets, racking his brain to figure out how she knew.

"Oh please Nick, she's my sister. I could practically feel it with my spidey sense!"

"Spidey sense!?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You can't be blind AND a dork that's just depressing, you're bumming me out..."

"My mother was right..." She crossed her arms and smirked at him. "You ARE a crybaby."

"What!?" Nick honestly looked wounded at the suggestion. "Bonnie said I'm a crybaby!?"

"...Bonnie?" She had a very suspicious vibe about her, and gave him a skeptical look. "You're calling my mother Bonnie now? Nick, I shouldn't have to say this but if you're putting the moves on my mom we're finished..."

"You're such a loud mouth!" Nick starting to get serious concerns about Judy's new attitude problem. "And we've talked about this, we would have to start something for it to end... which we're not!"

"Are you sure about that?" She put on a seductive tone.

"We could start something tonight..." She leaned forward and tried to sensually run her finger along his chin, like she saw in a movie when she was little.

The only problem was she was way off. So she just sort of felt around in front of her trying to look seductive...

I don't really need to describe Nick's face for you, I'm pretty sure you can imagine what it looked like.

"Nevermind... you can totally be a blind dork."

Humiliated, Judy's hands quickly planted themselves back on her hips and she turned her nose up at him.

"Fine! If that's how you want it, I'm gonna turn you in for illegal camping!"

"What!? You can't be serious!?"

"I'm DEAD serious, you're breaking the law!"

"And what do you suggest fluff, a permanent sleep over!?"

Her angry expression softened a little bit, and she turned back towards him.

"Well... I guess you could call it that."

"You really think the school is just gonna let me move into your dorm room?"

"We're not in highschool anymore Nick, it's a cooed building... and we're adults."

"Yea, I'm well aware of that, that's not what I'm talking about. You have to pay to stay in the dorms idiot, it's not "plus one."

She put her thinking cap on for a moment, until she had a brilliant idea... at least it was to her.

"Hey! What if you were my legal caretaker!? I bet the government would pay you for it!"

He couldn't stop himself from smirking at her excited face, but he wasn't exactly keen on the idea.

She was right though, the government does pay legal caretakers of those with disability benefits... he'd been reading up on it... just for fun.

"Yea..." He had a brilliant idea of his own, but it was about to backfire on him. "... But if you get married to your caretaker you lose all of your benefits."

With a self satisfied smirk at his stroke of genius he patiently waited for her to give up and leave him alone.

"Oh god!" She went deep maroon and grabbed her cheeks. "You don't want to get married THAT soon do you!?"

"No!" His ears went back and his eyes went wide. "You're putting words in my mouth!"

"Oh Nick..." She looked flattered as she started to sway back and forth. "Giddy said you'd come around eventually."

"Ok this coversation is over!"

He stood up, humiliated, and started to storm off passed her. Judy had to make the save this time...

"Nick wait!" She started fumbling after him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pick on you so much!"

She fell into a blackberry bush and started squeeling for help. Nick stopped, rolled his eyes, and begrudgingly made his way back over to her to pick her up. As he had her over his shoulder she wore a sly grin... just as planned. She'd fallen on purpose to get him to come back.

As he picked some of the vines off her legs she took her oportunity to make her offer one more time, from a different angle.

"Nick I'm sorry ok... I was just teasing you I promise."

Nick didn't say anything as he continued to free her foot from a thorny vine.

"I promise I won't try to do anything stupid if you stay with me... you can sleep on the couch and... I'll sleep in my room."

He straightened up and looked down at her with a serious expression. He wasn't used to giving in so much.

"Do you swear to me you won't try anything?"

"Yes Nick I swear..." She held a pinky out to him, and he scoffed in amusement.

"We're not nine anymore fluff... a regular promise will do."

He lifted her up and set her back on her feet. He brushed some left over thorns off of her back as she wiggled her tail to get any excess.

He picked up her guide stick and walked her to the dorms. She went up to the entrance and then turned back towards him.

"You're coming back... right?"

She had a worried look on her face, and he knew why. A long time ago he left her on this front step without saying goodbye.

"Yes Judy..." He said it with an exasperated tone. "I have to go pack up my stuff."

She smiled at his reassurance, and made her way into the building. Once she got to her room she could hardly contain her excitement. Only a week ago she was convinced that she would be alone forever, and now here she was with her sort of "boyfriend" sort of "moving in!"

She stumbled a little over her computer chair as she rushed over to the couch and flopped down hard on it.

She breathed a big sigh and smiled with contentment then suddenly, she was getting a call... come to think of it she was getting a lot of unexpected calls lately.

"Hello this is Judy."

"Heeeyyy baby sisteeer!"

"Sophie..." The good mood she was in was gone. Sophie had always been her least favorite sister... but now she was also a "rival" of sorts.

"Look, I might be blind but I'm gonna track you down and ring your scrawny little neck!"

"Oh relax spaz, he's clean. I only TOLD him we "did the deed" so he would pretend to date me for awhile."

She would be lying if she said she wasn't overwhelmingly relieved, but it was shortly replaced with more anger.

"Does he know about that!?"

"I don't know, I can't remember telling him... anyways you'd better take care of my Nicky or I'll be hunting YOU down."

"He's not yours he's mine!"

"Oooo really? I've been to his house tons of times... have YOU ever been to his house?"

Judy's anger was beginning to snowball out of control with every taunt Sophie hurled at her. She grit her teeth until it hurt.

"You never think about anyone but yourself! You know he actually cared about you!?"

"..."

"That's right... mom told me!"

"...Shut up."

"No! He cared about you and you walked all over him, you broke his heart!"

"SHUT UP!"

"..."

It went deathly silent. She couldn't allow herself to believe it, but she thought she heard faint crying coming from the other end of the line.

"Hey listen... don't hurt him...ok?"

It wasn't just her imagination. Sophie's words were choked with tears.

"Tell him... that I miss him..."

"Sophie do you-?"

The call ended before she could get the words out.

In complete disbelief she set the phone down on the little coffee table next to her. She had a lot to think about.


	16. Propositioning

"Juudy, you got some splainin' ta' do!"

Believe it or not, Nick was in just as good of a mood as Judy was. After sarcastically resighting a line from "I love Lucy," he clambered in through the front door of Judy's dorm room.

He had everything he brought with him in a big rucksack on his back. He looked like a broke, and depressing Santa clause.

It took him a minute to notice that Judy looked a little... off.

"What's wrong fluff, not a fan of the classics?"

Her response was delayed. Lost in thought until she abruptly shook her head and said: "sorry, what?"

Nick was understadably concerned.

"Did something happen?"

She couldn't possibly honor her sister's request. She still had no idea how Nick really felt about her, and until she did, she couldn't give an advantage to a possible rival.

"No, I'm just a little tired."

Nick looked skeptical, don't forget that he gets a sharp wit from his mother.

"You sure?"

He tried to probe her for information one more time, but she just shook head in response. He didn't want to push her so, for now, he let it go.

"Alright well, you're welcome to go to bed if you want. I'll probably just get settled and then turn in for tonight."

"Could you-...?" She started to say something but lost her willpower.

Nick knew something was up. Without looking like he was pressing her to tell him what was wrong, he let her finish what she was going to say.

"Can I what?"

"..."

Judy was struggling with her thoughts. Deeply concerned by her sister's call, she wanted to be close to him. But what she wanted was probably going to upset him.

She timidly lifted her head.

"... Sleep with me tonight?"

It certainly wasn't what he wanted to hear, but he was trying as hard as he could to maintain his new found maturity.

"You promised me."

"I know, I just... I need this right now."

Nick could read her face and tell that she wasn't coming from a place of bad intentions. He didn't believe she was trying to get him to sleep with her for selfish reasons.

"So..." He scratched his neck and looked away, he was not unphased by the nature of this conversation. "Do you mean... like... THAT way?"

She was shocked that she didn't realize the way it sounded sooner.

"No!... not like... that." It didn't sound very convincing.

Neither of them could look at the other. Typically this conversation would end in a shouting match, but both of them were aware that the mood of their relationship had changed drastically... now something like this wasn't completely out of the question anymore.

Nick had spent his whole life building up walls around himself for emotional protection, and now that he had something he knew was good for him, they were getting in his way. If you could see inside the deepest crevices of his mind, where even he couldn't see, you would know that he actually did want all the things she did...

But taking down years emotional walls is not an easy obstacle to overcome, and try as he might he was still afraid to be vulnerable.

"You swear that you're not gonna do anything weird to me?"

"Who do you think I am Nick!?"

"Ok ok fine!"

He looked around nervously and was starting to irritate his skin with how much he was scratching his neck.

"So... on the couch, or...?"

He was terrified as his eyes started to wonder towards Judy's bedroom.

She squirmed and fumbled with her words. "Nick... if you're ready then maybe we could actually... I mean only if you want to-."

She couldn't believe she was trying to proposition him at a time like this. Nick took a huge gulp and winced at what she was saying... he wasn't sure if he WAS ready.

'Please god, just let this turn out ok...' he thought.

But god didn't answer, instead, a very old enemy decided to rear it's ugly and spiteful head one more time before this play reached its climax.

His phone rang from inside his pocket. Perplexed, and a little annoyed he pulled it out to see who it was...

He went a little numb, and he could feel his face being etched with worry, recalling recent scars. He couldn't bring himself to answer it...

"Sophie?"

Judy heard the name, she was petrified. She scrambled off the couch towards the sound of his voice and fell into him, knocking them both to the floor.

She wrestled with him on the floor trying to mash buttons on his phone.

"Judy stop it!"

She finally wrestled it out of his hands and threw it as hard as she could across the room.

Nick grabbed her arm and lifted them both up.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?"

His bitter anger only lasted moments, until she turned around to look at him. Her face was twisted with pain and fear, her tiny, and fragile body trembling like an earthquake.

"I'm scared!"

"..." He couldn't believe how ironically blind he was. He should've been able to figure out what was going on.

"What could I possibly give you that she can't!?"

Her voice was loud, but it cracked trying to carry the weight of her tears.

"You wouldn't have to take care of her, you could just be normal!"

She started to wobble then she collapsed. Nick was close enough to slide under her and break the fall, but she was gasping for air as she bawled uncontrollably.

She made him feel like such a fool.

He picked her up like he would pick up his own children, and rubbed her back to try and comfort her. When her crying slowly started to subside he set her down on the couch.

"Hey... hey look at me." He tried to direct her attention to him, but she was squirming and batting him away. Eventually, he was able to keep one hand on her left cheek, and she calmed down when he started wiping the tears off.

"Your sister sucks."

Her pained face quickly turned to shock as she tried to process what he meant by that.

"She's terrible... she has no manners, she's rude, and she doesn't care about anybody. I could not be less interested if I tried."

He couldn't help but chuckle at how true that statement was, and neither could Judy. She nuzzled his hand on her cheek, she was grateful for this...

"And you gotta stop all this nonsense about how much of a "burden" you are... I mean seriously fluff, there are some days that I literally FORGET that you're blind."

"Shut up, you do not..." She rolled her eyes at how corny he was acting.

"Come on..." He grinned and stood up. "Let's go to bed."


	17. A fork in the road

They'd reached a fork in the road. They stood there, reading the sign at its intersection. Neither of them brave enough, or willing to make the next move.

Left... or right?

"Judy?"

Her name was Phoebe, she would have been one of the conniving bunny squad a few months prior. Since then she'd grown tired of the childish clique mentality and chose to make amends in the form of a new friendship.

She was small even by rabbit standards, but with a personality to say otherwise.

"Mmm... yeah?"

Judy was lazily rousing from her "sort of" nap. It was a tutoring study session class, the kind where students study what they need to the most, with an instructor wondering around the room.

"Wake up you bum, I'm trying to talk to you. I was asking how's Nick?"

"Oh sorry. I couldn't hear you."

"Yea I know, you were sleeping..."

She was sitting backwards in her chair facing Judy in the desk behind her. She leaned over the backrest with her arms folded on top.

"So... how's Nick?"

She had a scandalous tone to her voice, heavily implying that she wasn't simply curious as to how Nick had been lately.

"He's fine. I saw him this morning."

Judy rubbed some of the gunk out of her eye, still half asleep and completely oblivious.

"No I mean..." She leaned forward over the backrest and raised one of her eyebrows in an insinuating fashion. "How are THINGS with Nick?"

Now Judy caught on, she fidgeted a little trying to tip toe around the question.

"They're... good."

"Did you take him to town yet?"

Judy was lost again, she had no idea what she was talking about. Pheoby saw that she didn't follow, and offered up another innuendo.

"Have you..." She looked around for discretion's sake. "Taken him for a test drive?"

"...What?"

"DID YOU HAVE SEX!?"

Pheoby immediately covered her mouth with both hands, and Judy covered her entire head on the desk.

Slowly they came out of hiding to see that everyone had, for the most part, gone back to their work. With a sigh of relief, Judy turned on her.

"Would you keep it down what's wrong with you!?" She was yelling in whispers, and Pheoby responded in similar fashion.

"I'm sorry, but you guys piss me off sometimes. What the hell's taking so long!?"

"It's not that easy ok!?"

They were having an argument as two mammals who had both lost their voices it seemed.

"Yes, it is! Just jump on top of him what's he gonna do, say no!?"

It got quiet between them as Judy looked away, sullen and deep in thought. Her new friend understood that she might have pushed a little too hard.

"Judy, I know it's not easy for you... but believe me, that's how all guys are. If you really want to seal the deal just do it. There's no way he'll say no."

"But that's not Nick..." She was deeply concerned. "He's not like that."

She didn't like where their relationship was at either. In all honesty, if it was truly that easy she would do it. But, she still had no idea if Nick actually returned her feelings... she'd never asked him. She was mostly confident that he knew how she felt, she did kiss him after all.

Pheoby watched on for a moment, then crossed her arms and sighed.

"Ok... if you won't jump his bones, then how about you do some grand expression of your love... Like something he can't ignore or blow off?"

This roused Judy's interest a little.

"...Like what?"

Her new friend looked exhausted with her shy nature. She almost considered it spineless.

"I don't know girl... why don't you just tell him you're madly in love with him or something? He can't really ignore that, and I'm positive that you've never straight up told him or we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

She waited, expecting Judy to start stuttering about how she wasn't in love when she obviously was... but that didn't happen.

Instead, Judy started being Judy again.

"You know what? You're absolutely right... I should tell him!"

She clenched her fists and turn her gaze upwards triumphantly. She was getting some of her fire back.

"Why the hell can't he just be a man!?"

Pheoby looked a little scared as Judy stood up suddenly. She was raising her voice with confidence, but she was also attracting unwanted attention.

"He's gonna love me back whether he likes it or not!"

"Mrs. Hopps!"

The confidence vanished from her face as she remembered where she was. The tutor was obviously not too pleased with her outburst.

"I'm sorry..." She sank back into her seat with a more familiar demeanor. "I'll be quiet."

...

The rest of class went by with little more than her new friend Pheoby laughing at her, and towards the end, she started pumping her up again. Getting her ready for the coming battle.

"When I see you tomorrow you'd better be glowing!"

"... What does that mean?"

"Good god woman! You know what I'll just tell you when you're older." She chuckled, resigning herself to Judy's annoying innocence. "Good luuuuck..."

She crooned out her well wishes before scampering off to her next subject, leaving Judy alone with her thoughts.

She couldn't seem to locate all of that fierce courage she had a moment ago. Now that she was seriously considering it the nerves started kicking in. For now, she put it out of her head and made her way to her next subject.

...

Judy sat alone in her dorm room, tingling with fear...

Nick only had one more class until he would be coming back to the dorm room they'd been sharing for several weeks now.

It was spring, the season of lovers. Where new love and life springs forth from the biting cold. With any luck nature itself might spur on their romance.

"Hey, Judy!" With a loud thud, Nick swung through the front door, looking excited and amused to tell her something. He was early. "You'll never believe what-..."

His sentence was brought to an immediate end, as his eyes fell on Judy. She hadn't realised it, but her fear had climbed right on top of her. She was shaking and sweating profusely.

Still unaware, she tried to act as natural as possible. With a frighteningly forced smile, she stammered out her greeting.

"H-h-heeey... Nick! What were you gonna say!?"

"Uhhhh..."

Nick was deeply disturbed by her display. Not knowing what was causing it, or how severe it was, he chose a direct route of questioning.

"You ok fluff?"

"W-what!? Of-of course I am!"

"You uh... don't look so good."

Her hands immediately found her face. She felt hot and dizzy. She started to panic, this was her moment of truth and she couldn't let it pass her by.

Maybe nature was looking out for her because in a miraculous display of old courage she raised her voice with commanding authority.

"Sit down and shut up Nicholas I have something to say to you!"


	18. Delaying the inevitable

He examined her for a moment, delving deep into her expression trying to piece together what she wanted. What could she possibly have to tell him that would make her so upset?

He sighed, and then slowly made his way over to the couch to sit next to her. He was smirking with confidence because, in his head, he thought he'd already figured it out.

"Relax fluff, I know what you mean and I totally agree."

Her stomach turned over completely, and she started to wriggle away from him. This was sudden, it was completely unexpected.

"Y-y-y-y you... you do!?"

"Absolutely." He sat down with a groan. As he watched her he wondered why she was still nervous.

She feverishly pushed both of her ears out of her face. She couldn't seem to keep them upright. She was shaking and breathing like she'd just finished a marathon. Her heart rate could've easily kept up with a hummingbird's.

"And um..." Her throat was sore from stress. She held her hand to it and tried to catch her breath. "You...uh..."

Nick scoffed and rolled his eyes. She was so high strung, he thought. He didn't yet realize that for once his quick wit had completely missed its mark. It foreshadowed another wrong turn in their relationship, but what goes up must come down...

"You... feel the same way?" She held her breath, completely deaf to all other noise but his breathing. She could count each second as an hour waiting for his response.

"Obviously."

She was paralyzed with fear and relief at the same time. Did he feel the same? Oh god, what should she do now? Hug him?... Kiss him? She had no way of knowing that this blissful moment would turn out to be the free fall before she suddenly hit the ground.

"If you'd be more comfortable with me sleeping on the couch just say so fluff."

It was a terrible feeling... He hadn't even considered that she could be talking about love? She started to obsessively run it through her head, that he just didn't see her that way... it was the most logical explanation. She was so afraid that her battle would end before it even began.

Nick heaved a big sigh of relief, thinking she'd been freaking out for nothing. With a "crisis averted" grin on his face, he sank back into the deep cushions and folded his arms behind his head. Uncommonly oblivious, his eyes were closed. He couldn't see the storm of despair that was brewing in Judy's head.

'He doesn't see me like that!?'

'How does he see me then!?'

'Just a friend... what about that kiss!?'

Nick seemed to be taking a sitting nap, while Judy bit her nails and twitched with frustration trying to figure out her next move. There was no going back now this was the right moment. It needed to happen now.

She came up with a plan, and a horrible one. She was in no state of mind to be making quick decisions and this one would not end well.

"Fine Nick!" He jerked forward and looked at her with shock. "Let's go to sleep!"

Nick was terrified. She looked like a sweaty, twitchy, mad woman. He thought she wanted him to sleep on the couch from now on... was he wrong about that? Obviously, he was because now it seems she wanted to have her way with him.

"I um... I don't like the way you said that."

He watched her hand slowly feel around the couch cushions headed in his direction. He weaseled his way off the couch and tried to sneak around the table. Just to get some distance between them in case she was about to explode.

"Where are you going!? I hear you over there!"

The chill that ran through his spine must've propelled him off the floor a few inches. All the fur on his neck was static, and he was starting to sweat.

"Let's just... take a deep breath... and count to ten." He started to back towards the door with his arms held out in front of him. It looked like she was advancing on him with a gun, despite still being on the couch, not even looking in his direction.

The terrible plan Judy had come up with in her questionable mental state also happened to be Pheoby's first suggestion, and she wasn't about to take no for an answer.

"Get your ass in that bed or I'll rip your tail off!"

"Eeep..." It was the beginning of a girlish scream until he caught it half way out. He started to realize how stupid it was for him to be so afraid of her, it gave him some "manly" courage for a moment. "Wait... you can't tell me what to do!"

"Oh, I'm SO sorry Nick!" Her voice was heavily laden with hostile sarcasm. "Should I pretend to be my sister? Would that make it easier for you!?"

It was just the thing Nick needed to pull him out of his terrified state. Something was severely wrong, and he needed to do whatever it took to fix it.

"That was uncalled for Judy... why the hell would you say something like that?"

He was trying to be gentle, but her words cut him fairly deep. He'd talked to her about this already. Why did she feel it necessary to throw it in his face now? Was she upset over something HE had done? He couldn't think of anything.

"Well, apparently it IS called for Nick. Because obviously-..." She started to choke up mid-sentence, it came on suddenly. She wanted him to return her affection so badly, and it hurt so much that he just didn't seem to care. "Obviously, I'm missing something... that you want..."

Nick came to realize that he knew exactly what this was about. It wasn't about her sister, it was about him. Judy didn't know, but Nick WAS aware of her feelings.

But Nick had been through a lot of tragedy in his life. It made him defensive, and weak willed. He didn't have the courage to make himself vulnerable out of fear that he would end up hurt. So, he ignored her feelings or at least the fact that he was aware of them. He was essentially emotionally procrastinating.

Those emotional walls he'd built started to cast a looming shadow over his head as he stood there suspended in thought. He knew that he cared about her, but he didn't know for sure whether he LOVED her. Unfortunately, he was still too weak to make his decision. The only solution he could come up with was another way to delay the inevitable...

"Fine, let's go to bed!"


	20. She means business

They were both frozen in place now...

Nick couldn't believe what he'd just said. Good god, did he just agree to sleep with her? Was this better than just dealing with his emotions? He was self aware of his own cowardise driving him into a corner he couldn't possibly get out of.

"Nick, you DO realize what I meant... right?"

Judy had been crying but now it was the last thing on her mind. It seemed now that Nick actually wanted to "seal the deal" with her. She wondered whether this might've been the right course of action from the beggining. Did this mean he actually DID see her that way?

It was an unlucky turn of events. As Judy became hopeful that her feelings might be returned, Nick became hopelessly afraid that he'd made a horrible mistake.

...

Somehow they just seemed to awkwardly arrive in Judy's bedroom, with nothing other than the alarm clock on her nightstand providing light. They sat on opposite ends of the bed. Neither of them brave enough to make the first move...

Nick's heart felt like it might beat hard enough to break his ribs. In a stubborn fit, he'd decided to commit to it, but now that push was coming to shove he wasn't certain he actually had the balls for it.

Judy was in no better shape. She felt so hot that she might pass out from the stress. She'd initiated this, but at the same time she herself felt like perhaps she'd rushed her decision to try it. She just had the feeling she wasn't prepared for this.

"...Hey." Nick finally worked up the nerve to say something.

Judy's heart jumped into her throat, and she flailed around for a moment until she finally calmed back down.

"Relax... lets just-" He stopped to go over his plan one more time. In his head, he decided the easiest way to travers this situation was to take it slow. She could change her mind too after all... "Let's just lay down... and go from there."

She pushed one of her ears out of her face. She felt like this was really about to happen, and she needed to calm down. It actually sounded like a good idea.

"...O-ok."

The rustling of the sheets as they settled in was disproportionately loud given the silence of the room, and once they were in their positions it was horribly silent again. They laid at least a foot apart on either side facing away from eachother. The anxiety wasn't getting better, and it didn't seem like either of them were going to be able to summon up enough level headedness to successfully initiate anything.

Several minutes went by with no changes...

Nick slowly felt his heartrate settle down. He took a deep meditative breath to drop himself into a deep calm. He didn't take the opportunity to initiate however, part of him still didn't want it to happen. So he just laid there and waited... seeing if Judy was going to be able to do the same as him, and if she would have the guts to start anything.

It had been awhile and Nick started to think he'd dodged a bullet. She hadn't moved and if she was going to she probably would've done it by now... then suddenly it happend.

He heard a quick rustling of sheets and felt alot of warmth. She'd spooned right up to his back, and he was momentarily annoyed that despite being the man around here he'd ended up as the little spoon.

However, that annoyance was quickly smothered out by fear as he felt her hand start to reach around the front of him. He held his breath as it slowly headed south...

But, all of a sudden he noticed the rappid thud of her heart on his back. It was fast... too fast, and she felt abnormally hot.

"Hey... Judy." He leaned his head around to try and look at her behind him. She didn't move or say anything, and he couldn't quite see her face. "... You ok fluff?"

He lightly took her arm and it seemed to be limp. He gently moved it out of the way and rolled over to face her... shocked, and a little annoyed to see that she'd passed out. If you were talking to Nick's subconscious it would tell you that "dissapointed" would be a more appropriate word than annoyed, but knowing Nick he had no idea that's what it would say.

He heaved a particularly heavy sigh of relief and watched her for a moment. She looked peaceful...

He felt exhausted, and understood how she could pass out in a situation like this. His heart racing so fast for so long had sapped all of his strength and he knew that it had to be the same way for Judy. Satisfied that he'd not wimped out, and that this was the best case scenario regardless, he laid back down and sank into the mattress. He didn't intend to fall asleep but before he knew it it had already happened.

...

It seemed he was having a good dream. He couldn't quite see what was happening in his dream, but he was happy so it must have been a good dream. He thought that he might be in the ocean in this dream because there were what felt like waves... it was pleasant.

It started to feel real, it felt VERY good. The longer he felt it the worse it got... until it started to feel... wrong.

With that very thought he was immediately awake. At first he only saw the cieling, but after only a few moments he felt all of the warmth on his chest. And a few more moments still he gradually realized what was happening... she was ontop of him!

He quickly jerked forward to push her away, but at the same moment she'd nuzzled her head into his neck. Like cryptonite to superman, Nick's neck was seemingly his biggest weakness. Without warning she started to kiss it. It drained all of the fight out of him and he could only lay there in terrible fear as she kept going.

"J-...Judy... stop..." It came out only as a strained whisper.

She blatantly ignored him, and kept going until she got to his collar bone. With a loud and rather girlish wimper Nick squirmed and tried to grab her head to push it away. Judy seemed to be in complete control, as she grabbed his hand and ran it gently through one of her ears... it was soft... like cotton candy.

The farther down she kissed, the more those kisses gradually turned into licking. Nick was paralyzed... he writhed and moaned trying to squirm her off of him with all his might, but to no avail... until finally her licks went past his belly button.

'Jesus she's serious!'

'She seriously means business!'

'No... stop! ... This can't happen, not like this... not yet!'

Just before she reached her intended destination his adrenalin gave him a godsend of strength, and he was finally able to sit up and shove her away. It felt as if his lungs would collapse from how hard he was breathing, and there was a large sweat stain on the sheet in the shape of his body.

"Nick!" She was trembling and just as sweaty. He'd just rejected her in the worst possible way, he must've known this wasn't an easy thing for her to do. "Why'd you stop me!? You said you wanted this!"

"No I didn't!" Every few words he spoke were seperated by a gasp for air.

"You jerk!" She was humiliated, and she started to cry. "You idiot!" She was trying to hit him, but sadly she was too far away to hit him and she didn't seem to notice. "How could you!?"

He waited for the right swings and grabbed her arms. She tried to wrestle them away.

"Judy stop!" He already knew it wasn't easy for her, he understood it was humiliating to be rejected like that. "Just listen for a minute!"

Judy was distraught, she couldn't keep doing this. Trying to sleep with him didn't work just like she knew it wouldn't. She felt hopeless... like this was the way it would always be. She knew only one thing left for her to do.

"NO!" She wrenched her arms away and smeared them around her cheeks to get the tears. "I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! WHY NICK!? I CAN'T TAKE IT, DON'T YOU CARE AT ALL!?"

She was screaming, louder than he'd ever heard before. She was hurt and angry. Nick hated himself, because he knew why she felt that way and it was his fault.

"...I-"

"NO! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS..." She gripped the sheets hard, before launching her final assault. "WHY DON'T YOU NOTICE? AM I NOT MAKING IT OBVIOUS ENOUGH THAT I'M COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH YOU!?"

"..."

Her angry face turned completely upside down. Shocked and appalled at what she'd just done. She didn't mean to say that... but it was too late... and now he knew.


	21. Scale the mountain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair Warning! - 
> 
> Possible character death.

This silence felt heavy…

She'd gone completely blank, except the deeply burnt red that took over her whole face. What did she just do? She was in an internal panic as Nick just stared at her with very little expression. She could feel the sweat coming back, but before it poured off her brow she remembered why she had said it in the first place.

"…That's right." She hung her head in acceptance. The only thing she'd done is the thing she didn't have the strength to do without her anger. "I mean it!"

It was so unexpectedly shocking for Nick to hear. He'd known, he thought, for a long time but still… to actually hear it leave her mouth. It was as if he had no idea that she might feel that way. It was an arrow to the heart. It meant the world to him, like all of his pain and sorrow just melted away and he was laying in sunlight.

"…Well?"

Nick jumped a little. He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost forgot that it only happened a moment ago, and she was still here… waiting for his answer.

"I um…" He was so out of his head right now that he forgot how to speak.

"You need me to say it again!?" Judy leaned forward from where she was sitting, her face was completely devoid of it's usual fear and anguish. She was finally Judy again…

"Where are you?… come here." She was feeling around for him. Nick didn't know what to do. He couldn't move or think right now. Eventually she found him and held his face on both sides. He remembered what she'd just said after a few katatonic moments and realized she was about to say it again. His face lit up like someone had set it on fire, he was genuinely embarrased right now.

"Nick… Nathan… whatever your name is." Nick would normally have been a little bothered by her bringing up some old fake name he came up with for himself, but he realized why she'd gone to the trouble to mention it. She meant that no matter who he was it would make no difference… his heart was breaking. "I'm crazy, stupid, madly, and completely in love with you."

For a moment he stared at her with his mouth hanging open, and then it was as if their roles had been reversed. It was Nick who covered his face and looked away, hell he might've even squirmed a little. This complete paradigm shift went unnoticed by them. They were simply in their element savoring what was quite literally the most important moment of their lives so far.

Judy had conquered all of her fears, and all of her weakness. She was no longer blind and defenceless Judy… she was just Judy who happened to be blind. She had no idea just how important this moment was. She was still listening with all of her might for Nick's response. It was the only thing she cared about in that moment.

Nick was in a very different mindset. Since he'd ran away from her the first time, he'd come back with much more strength than he orignally had. However, he hadn't completely scaled that mountain. Judy was at the summit waiting for him, but he was only halfway there…

"… I'm not ready." He clenched his jaw, and the sheets. He knew very well that what he was doing to her was horrible. He was thoroughly convinced that he wasn't sure how he felt, but even if he wasn't sure he should know what he had to do… and it wasn't this.

She was sad, but she knew herself now more than ever. She herself started to see things that only Nick used to see when it came to the mood.

"Do you care about me Nick?" She asked it in earnest. Where once it was Nick who needed to be gentle with Judy, now Judy was the one being gentle for him. It made a world of difference, because in his depressed state he'd almost shut down completely. Her question sparked his lucid brain to life and he knew he could never allow her to think that he didn't.

"Of course I do!" It was pleading, the way he said it. Even though she gave no indication that she wouldn't believe him. He was despondent, watching himself make the same mistake he'd already made countless times before.

She couldn't see him flinch and clentch with anger, but she already knew by the tone of his voice that he was struggling with this.

"Just… give me time." He'd said it in a defeated manner. As if he was settling for this as opposed to getting what he wanted. "I promise that… I'll give you a real answer soon."

Judy decided to accept his offer, but only under one condition.

"Ok Nick… I know this isn't easy for you, but I need my answer today."

"What!?"

He was seized with fear. Today? How could she expect him to make such a huge decision in one day?

"I love you Nick…" He went red again, it didn't seem to get any easier to hear no matter how many times she said it. "… and I need to know today because I can't wait any longer."

"Why not!?" He was pleading again. This mountain had been building in height since the day he'd first lost her. This was heartless, she had to be more understanding than this.

She smiled with contentment, it was like she was at peace with herself. That was because she finally had her real strength back, and she was very strong. "Because you won't decide any other way… and I need you now, Nick."

His heart sank. It wasn't heartless what she was doing, it was for his own good. He didn't need to look too deep inside himself to know that she was absolutely right. She knew him better than he knew himself. This was the time to tear down his walls, to rebuild on solid ground. And the enemy inside him would never let that happen without a fight… the longer he drug it out… the harder it would become.

"Ok… just give me today."

"Ok."

She reached out and felt around the covers until she found his hand and rested it on his. She knew exactly what he needed, he was so afraid to confront his demons and he needed her just as much as she needed him. He placed his other hand ontop of hers.

After a few minutes to collect themselves after the sheer aftermath of the emotional battle that had been waged before noon, Nick collected a few things and made for the door. Judy stood in the doorway to her room and smiled just hoping that he would see it and know that she was ok. He certainly did, and he returned it.

…..

Six hours later Nick was still walking…

Soul searching isn't a simple montage that they play in the movies. It's a war with yourself, in order to find the truth and rescue it from captivity. He'd gone well passed the tiny town of Podunck, and turned down an old and overgrown trail not even knowing where it went.

His body might as well have been an empty vessel set to autopilot, for the only activity that he was aware of was all inside his head…

Logical to a fault, he started his internal struggle from the bottom. It would ultimately lead him to the answer of the question "Do I love Judy too?" In left brain versus right brain fasion the debate began…

'Do I care about Judy? … Of course I do, that's an easy one.'

'But why? … Because she's my friend.'

'So she's your friend, that means you don't love her right? … Not necessarily.'

'What do you mean "not necessarily?" … Well, there were certain things that happened.'

'Like what? … Well, the time in the tent when she felt my face. It was unexplainably embarrasing.'

'What else? … There was the time that she said I "wish I had a shot with her." That really hurt and I don't know why.'

'Anything else? … There was that kiss, god I'll never forget it.'

'You've got one more… don't you? … When she said that she loved me… it felt… good. It made me really… happy!'

'Think about that… what does it mean?… I think… I'm in love with her!'

'What do all of those things have in common… think about your whole life until this very moment. Now tell me… what does it mean?'

He had his answer. What did it all mean? Well, it meant that since he'd reunited with her his life had been so much better than it ever was before. His time spent with her wasn't always good, there were plenty of arguements and heartache… but he felt alive all the while. Good or bad, up or down, left or right… it didn't matter! He didn't want to spend a single day without her for the rest of his life, he was in love!

….

He never found out where that trail went. With all the energy he had he ran down the road headed towards Podunck. It was already getting dark.

Winded, and gasping for breath he stopped infront of the entrance to campus. He leaned forward and supported his hands on his knees. After several moments of desperately trying to catch his breath he started off towards the dorms, but then he stopped. A bus had pulled up on the other side of the road and hissed as it let off it's break. He had no idea why he stopped to watch it, essentially wasting valuable time, but in a quick moment he had his answer.

As the bus growled out it's departure towards the garage Judy came into view.

She'd just gotten off that bus, why he didn't know but she was holding a manilla envelope. He called out to her…

"Judy!"

She pivoted her ears around to find the source. Then she responded back to him once she thought she knew who it was.

"Nick!?"

She extended her guide stick and made her way across the road…

….

It was too difficult to recall it now. All he could remember were bright headlights, and blaring horns, and the worst fear he'd ever had. Running, already out of breath, towards her… and then a loss of an unknown amount of time.

What directly proceeded it however was as vivid as if it had just happened…

Blue and red light… shouting… a sharp pain in his side… dizziness and blurry vision. And then the single worst sight he had now or ever will see in all of his life. It broke his mind in that moment, and ultimately ended his life.

As soon as he had enough sense to look in the direction Judy had come from many different mamals came into view. Several police officers and squad cars. As well as an EMT… dragging a white sheet over a little grey bunny…


	22. Welcome home & Welcome back

"Welcome home Nick..."

He said it out loud, and he didn't know why. Noone was around to hear it. Perhaps he only said it in disbelief. He was inexplicably home if you could call it that. The dusty home built on dirt and misery.

He was missing so much time. Running, then lights and shouting, then the end of his life... and now he was here with no way of explaining it. He didn't recall any hospitals even though he was in pain. He was still in pain. Did he just run from the scene? No, impossible. Pocamby is at least thirty miles from campus... too far to run and arrive in the same night. It was still night wasn't it?

The curtains weren't closed and he could see dark outside the windows, but it was the strangest thing, he saw nothing else out the window. His eyes lethargically traveled the room and it was the same as it always was. It was like a... dream.

Without warning he broke down completely. Not just choking with sobs, but sobing to the point of literal choking. He remembered something... that white sheet. His life ended, she was the one thing he truly wanted in life, a reason to keep fighting and now it was all gone. How could he keep on going like this?

It was horribly silent in the room to the point that he could lay there and listen to himself bawl like a lost child in a grocery store. His brain took the inopportune moment to replay his first memory of crying for Judy, the day he found out she was blind. It was so eerily familiar to that feeling.

Nothing seemed to change for hours...

He eventually ran out of tears, or maybe his body was just sick of his weakness and did it for him. The only thing he could do is drag himself into his musty bedroom and onto the bed. He hoped that he would never wake up.

...

He slowely opened his eyes...

He was blinded by white light, and lifted his hand above his face to block it out. His first thought was "heaven," but if there is one he probably wouldn't be allowed inside.

"Nicky!" He was grabbed around the neck by a familiar smell, it was mom. The room echoed with laughter of overwhelming relief as the blur slowly left his vision.

Once she'd removed herself from his neck, his aunt and Bonnie Hopps came into view. He was in a bed with baige railings on either side of him. A hospital room...

"Nicky I'm so glad you're ok." She was crying, tears of joy to see her son alive again.

"I wish I wasn't."

"What!? Nicky why would you say something like that!?" She looked on in panic and disbelief.

"..." He just didn't know how to tell her, she must not have known yet. Bonnie was here... did she know? She should've been the first person contacted.

He felt groggy and nauseaus, and the confusion was not helping it in the slightest. It was deathly silent in the room. He couldn't see them, he was gazing at the spackled ceiling just waiting for it to stop spinning.

He couldn't see his loved ones looking to eachother, bewildered and concerned...

"What are you talking about sweetheart?"

He would have to do it... did he have enough willpower left to tell them? He bit down on his cheek until he tasted copper, and felt tears start adding to his blurry vision. He had to, they need to know... he owes it to them.

"Judy..." He choked, and then softly started to cry. He wasn't really fighting it, but he was so exhausted he couldn't bring it above a whisper even if he wanted to. "Judy... Judy... Judy..."

Over and over he said her name. His loved ones were distraught. They didn't know why he was upset or how to console him. "... She's gone."

He finally spit it out, but his mother and Bonnie Hopps were not sobbing with him... They were trying to wrap their heads around what he was trying to explain to them. "No... Nicky that's not-"

They looked around at eachother again. Starting to realize what was going on. "...I don't think the anesthesia has worn off."

Maybe they were in shock he thought.

"Nicky you were hit by a car." His mother placed a hand on his forearm, trying to be as gentle as she could. She needed to figure out why he was so upset.

"I know, and Judy... she's gone..."

"...No hunny, she's fine."

"WHAT!?" He bolted straight up in his bed and felt a sharp stabbing pain shoot down the left side of his torso.

"Don't move Nicky! You'll tear your stitches!" She never quit her old habbits of fussing over him, granted, this was an extreme circumstance.

"What day is it!?" He was already sweating bullets. What's going on? She's alive? How? So many questions in his head all competing for the same space.

"Thursday?" His mother wasn't exactly sure what day of the week it was, but she knew that it had only recently passed midnight.

"How long has it been since the accident... what happened!?" The loss of time, it made sense but he still had no clue what happened.

"Well... you've been in surgery for almost six hours. You were... well, the driver said you were jogging on the side of the highway in the dark and they didn't see you."

"WHERE IS SHE!?"

He grabbed his own mother with force she'd never seen out of him before. If Nick had not seen the things he'd just seen he would never hurt his mother.

"Nicky... that hurts..."

"Nick she's fine!" It was Bonnie Hopps who gently pulled his arms away and folded them in his lap."She's been up all night waiting for you to get out of surgery..."

Nick was gasping for breath... it was all a terrifying lucid dream brought on by anesthesia? He couldn't believe it, it was so real... the bus... the sheet... it all happened in a single night, but it was still that same night? As terrifying and cliché as it was he'd never felt so relieved in his life.

He was racking his mind, it was overloaded with too much to process in a single sitting. It had distracted him for a moment...Immediately he ripped out his I.V., which wasn't as easy as it looked in movies.

Blood came gushing out, it was one of the worst physical pains he'd ever felt.

"Nick stop it! Nurse!" They were trying to hold him down and yelling for help as Nick thrashed desperately to get up.

He had a second chance... it couldn't wait. He had to see her... now...

He pushed them all off and fell head first out of the bed and onto the floor. He dragged himself to his feet and bolted out of the room and into the hall, with nurses and doctors on his heels.

He was breathing heavy and looking for sighns to point him to the waiting room, he was lost, he didn't know this hospital...

"JUDY!" He cried out her name, tears had started coming, and it was blinding him. "WHERE ARE YOU!?"

Every member of the hospital staff was after him at this point. He saw a door with an exit sighn and slammed through it, ripping his stitches. It was quiet in this room littered with chairs and silent patients, and in the far corner was a little grey bunny, slumped over the armrest of her chair.

He grabbed the nearest trashcan and did his best to barricade the door he came through, it wouldn't last long.

He felt warm blood soaking right leg, but limped through it clear across the room as the silent onlookers began gasping in shock and calling for help.

He slumped down in front of her and lifted up her head. Her eyes lazily opened, to reveal a comforting fog. "...Nick?"

He threw his arms around her head and choked with uncontrollable sobs, and she squirmed trying to push him away. "Nick... that hurts..."

Pounding was coming from the door, they would be here soon. There was no time to savor how soft she was, or her familiar smell, or the overwhelming joy and relief that had just pulled him out of the darkness he'd suffered through all night.

He grabbed her face on either side and looked straight into her milky eyes. She wasn't able to turn her attention anywhere else. She looked afraid, and confused.

"...Nick?"

"Judy listen to me..."

"..."

He was only afraid for a moment, he didn't have time to be afraid anymore...

"I love you too!"

"...What?" She didn't understand what was going on, but she was flushed red with embarrasment. "Nick what are you talking about? ...Oh god you're bleeding!"

She felt the cold blood on her lap, and started to panic.

"If you want to be together then I want that too!"

"Nick it can wait!"

"No it can't!"

The door gave way and a mob of doctors, nurses, and security staff flooded the waiting room. Nick looked around to see them coming, and quickly pulled the chord out of his hospital gown and tied it in a loop... and slid it on her finger...

"Nick... what is-?"

Time was up. Security wrestled him off of her and held him down on the floor. He calmly watched her feel his makeshift engagement ring as a nurse administered a sedative. He didn't stuggle, he felt lightheaded from blood loss and he eventually went to sleep.

...

Three weeks passed before he was released from the hospital. It was a monday as he casually walked a familiar hall, to a very familiar room.

"Welcome back Mr. Wilde. I'm glad to see you again... I mean it this time."

"Thanks Mrs. Keen." He could make a joke, but he didn't feel like it.

He made his way to the same seat he'd always sat in... right next to a fiery red Judy. She didn't say anything as he sat down and opened up his notebook.

He uncapped his black pen... it was a good day for once.

"Miss me?"

She squirmed and shot a dirty look at him before settling back down.

"Welcome back..."

"..."

It was quiet for a moment. She struggled to ask him the question that was plagueing her sleep since she last saw him. "...Did you mean all that stuff you said?"

"I would never lie to you."

"..."

It was a familiar face, the super pout. Understandably presented as it was, he knew it was a bad joke. However, he also knew she wasn't really mad at him for it. They'd already gotten past all of their petty insecurities, and if she really wanted to he knew she could easily laugh instead.

"I lost your ring..." She looked pitiful as she admitted to what she believed was a horrible and irreversable mistake.

"That was the chord to my hospital gown."

"What!? You idiot!" She grabbed the nearest object she could find on her desk and lobbed it at him. Nick just laughed it off, nothing could get him down today.

"Don't worry... I'll get you another one."

That really took the anger out of her assault as she slumped face first into the desk out of embarrasment. After a moment she muffled out an insult.

"Maybe I'll give "Nathan" a call instead."

He grabbed her chin and quickly pulled her in for an unashamed kiss. The whole class saw it, but noone said a word. As she squirmed and pulled her ears he could only smile.

"He'll have to fight me for you."

...The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks from the writer:
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, it means the world to me.
> 
> This story was basically a big metaphor for my life. Nick was nothing like the actual Nick because in this story Nick was ME. I put all the things I hate about my personality into Nick's personality in the story, except my vast insecurity which I unloaded on Judy. Judy triumphing over her fears and weaknesses is me daydreaming about doing that for myself someday.
> 
> In fact, the entire premise of the story directly correlates to my life. Judy being blind wasn't just an "interesting plot element" that popped into my head. She represents my wife, who is schizophrenic.
> 
> Judy dying in chapter 19 wasn't just a sad plot twist intended to shock readers, it was an indirect expression of my worst fears. That my best friend could at anytime have a bad day and for no other reason decide to take her own life.
> 
> I'm sorry if that part of the story upset you, but know that I would never kill a pivotal character like Judy with no warning in advance. I love these characters, I don't want to kill them just as much as you don't... and I hope that the M. Night Shamylan dream twist wasn't too cliché for you.
> 
> Anyways, if this story was worth your time to read then it was worth my time to write. Maybe I'll see you again sometime.
> 
> Update: I've recieved a lot of requests for a sequel on fanfic.net, so, Be my candle+ coming soon.


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